Soul Terms Of Endearment / Categorising

[Steve G]

Bit of Friday p.m. humour of sorts but saw on another post reference to a member being an 'anal purist'.

Got me thinking about the world renowned Divvy-Bileous scale and whether better definitons are needed.

In running order from least offensive I believe we have:

1. Anorak - mildly offensive type person who occasionally asks questions about matrix numbers and whether a record was a 2nd issue or not. Tedious, but OK to be seen at the bar with, especially if they are buying a round of drinks. Typical anorak is still after copies of Eddie Parker on Awake and "Job Opening" to replace the ones they sold in 1986 for £25. However they can no longer afford them.

2. Trainspotter - moderately offensive type person- spends their life scanning labels up, asking about missing numbers, double issued B sides and asking for label listings. Often found at the end of railway platforms, or in an armchair, but rarely seen in soul gigs. Unlikely to actually own any records at this point, instead they will have lots of hand written notes dating back some years.

3. Chinstroker - fairly offensive type person, chinstrokers frequent soul venues regularly but never enter into the joyous spirit of the event (Chinstrokers by a freak of nature are actually unable to dance). Instead they are usually found sitting in a dark corner away from the action, listening and noting what is played while they sup on a half pint of shandy all evening (or smuggle their own drink in - so no need to wonder about whether to chat to them at the bar - they don't go there). They may post negative comments on other peoples playlists or question the value of sale prices, because they purchased something for £1.50 in 1923.

4. "Anal purist with head up their own arse" - this is a NEW category - a highly offensive type person - dangerous record collector probably with considerable knowledge of soul music. The tip is not to get drawn into conversation with these people as they will instantly recognise your inferior knowledge and sell you the "duds" from their sales box for a lot of money. They also drink lots of beer, so can be an expensive option if encountered at the bar. Probably have a good record collection, and tend to be very passionate about music and know of mythical records that aren't in the price guides.

5. I've forgotten what 5 is - No definiton currently available.

Edited March 23, 2012 by mike

[Guest Bearsy]

Thats you covered Steve

[Guest Matt Male]

Bit of Friday p.m. humour of sorts but saw on another post reference to a member being an 'anal purist'.

Got me thinking about the world renowned Divvy-Bileous scale and whether better definitons are needed.

In running order from least offensive I believe we have:

1. Anorak - mildly offensive type person who occasionally asks questions about matrix numbers and whether a record was a 2nd issue or not. Tedious, but OK to be seen at the bar with, especially if they are buying a round of drinks. Typical anorak is still after copies of Eddie Parker on Awake and "Job Opening" to replace the ones they sold in 1986 for £25. However they can no longer afford them.

2. Trainspotter - moderately offensive type person- spends their life scanning labels up, asking about missing numbers, double issued B sides and asking for label listings. Often found at the end of railway platforms, or in an armchair, but rarely seen in soul gigs. Unlikely to actually own any records at this point, instead they will have lots of hand written notes dating back some years.

3. Chinstroker - fairly offensive type person, chinstrokers frequent soul venues regularly but never enter into the joyous spirit of the event (Chinstrokers by a freak of nature are actually unable to dance). Instead they are usually found sitting in a dark corner away from the action, listening and noting what is played while they sup on a half pint of shandy all evening (or smuggle their own drink in - so no need to wonder about whether to chat to them at the bar - they don't go there). They may post negative comments on other peoples playlists or question the value of sale prices, because they purchased something for £1.50 in 1923.

4. "Anal purist with head up their own arse" - this is a NEW category - a highly offensive type person - dangerous record collector probably with considerable knowledge of soul music. The tip is not to get drawn into conversation with these people as they will instantly recognise your inferior knowledge and sell you the "duds" from their sales box for a lot of money. They also drink lots of beer, so can be an expensive option if encountered at the bar. Probably have a good record collection, and tend to be very passionate about music and know of mythical records that aren't in the price guides.

5. I've forgotten what 5 is - No definiton currently available.

Isn't 5. Soul Police?

[Scotters]

Isn't 5. Soul Police?

Surely No 5 is DJ's &/or promoters :D

[Guest MrC]

Excellent so far! :lol:

[Bunderthollox]

No the soul police are the investigative duo go mother and daughter and dogs. A random carrier bag near to record boxes gives the game away that records have been purchased locally. Dogs trained to sniff out bags of records stashed down side of cabinets while spouse is present. Daughter listens to rushed footsteps up to the spare room on payday and reports back. That is the soul police

[Dylan]

if number 4 didn't have his head up his own arse he sounds like a good laugh at least he likes a drink at least..........

[Mark S]

I have been called a soul snob , the proudest day of my life

[Guest allnightandy]

Townies or Hand bagger as you call them

Piss heads who only fall through the door because our bar's still open and theirs is shut

They stand and laugh for a bit then try to show you all that they "Can do it"

but just end up spilling beer all over the dancefloor

maybe we should just call them "Tossers" ?

[KevH]

No 5 - Tourists.

[Steve G]

No the soul police are the investigative duo go mother and daughter and dogs. A random carrier bag near to record boxes gives the game away that records have been purchased locally. Dogs trained to sniff out bags of records stashed down side of cabinets while spouse is present. Daughter listens to rushed footsteps up to the spare room on payday and reports back. That is the soul police

Used to hide mine in the front garden until her indoors was out of the way

[Steve G]

I have been called a soul snob , the proudest day of my life

Ah yes forgot about Soul Snobs, the term has fallen into disuse round these parts - probably a hybrid of 3-4.....or we need a new category for them,/...

[Steve G]

No 5 - Tourists.

We probably need a separate scale for hand baggers/ civilians / tourists / patches etc. - maybe a Frank WIlson Scale.

Edited March 23, 2012 by Steve G

[Winnie :-)]

Number 5 would be the ''Descartes''

I think I know everything about northern therefore I do

I think I've been everywhere, therefore I have

I think my opinion is more important than yours, therefore there can be no argument

I think my history on the northern scene is unsurpassed, therefore it is

I think everything I say is enthralling, interesting and edge of the seat stuff, therefore could you please wake up

[Guest Matt Male]

I always liked the term 'civilians' for non-soulies. Or as someone described them recently 'muggles'

[Steve G]

Number 5 would be the ''Descartes''

I think I know everything about northern therefore I do

I think I've been everywhere, therefore I have

I think my opinion is more important than yours, therefore there can be no argument

I think my history on the northern scene is unsurpassed, therefore it is

I think everything I say is enthralling, interesting and edge of the seat stuff, therefore could you please wake up

Any advice should we meet one of them in the bar? Say "Excuse me I like this tune" and run onto the dance floor?

Edited March 23, 2012 by Steve G

[Winnie :-)]

Any advice should we meet one of them in the bar? Say "Excuse me I like this tune" and run onto the dance floor?

They're generally very quiet in real life Steve, but if you check their fingers they're all calloused up, from the constant typing

[Dave2]

No the soul police are the investigative duo go mother and daughter and dogs. A random carrier bag near to record boxes gives the game away that records have been purchased locally. Dogs trained to sniff out bags of records stashed down side of cabinets while spouse is present. Daughter listens to rushed footsteps up to the spare room on payday and reports back. That is the soul police

For single soulies, Soul Police also includes the category of 'Girlfriend' - possessing highly skilled questioning & interogation techniques, designed to break & weaken the accused into absurd confession. Stress questioning (after the bag has been found) such as: "Why did you spend so much money on bloody, stupid records!!!" has known to produce feeble answers such as: "But I bought it for you babes! I thought it was your favourite...!" followed by 3 hours of complete & utter silence (the calm before a mega strop of the highest order).... That too is the soul police . Er...

[Guest Dr Pickles]

6. "Soul Troll"

One who sits at home moaning about all and sundry from the comfort of their computer.

Doc

Edited March 23, 2012 by Dr Pickles

[Bunderthollox]

Number 6 ahem. Soul witch. The Yoko Ono of soul. Trouser grabbing beer swilling lady, machiavellian in outlook hasnt been on the scene for years disruptive, with her eye often burning fondly on the younger clientele. More often than not just there for thankfully the one night only. A ahem regular at Wigan of course. And trust me I've been a victim haha

[Russ Vickers]

I always liked the term 'civilians' for non-soulies. Or as someone described them recently 'muggles'

Divs or Divvies.

Russ

[Suzannek]

They're generally very quiet in real life Steve, but if you check their fingers they're all calloused up, from the constant typing

Like

Suz

x

[Gert Mark]

I always liked the term 'civilians' for non-soulies. Or as someone described them recently 'muggles'

I have real tears!! MUGGLES, superb.

[Gert Mark]

6 - Extensions

Those guys you cant have a conversation about a record with beyond "Got this".

[Guest Polyvelts]

Turntable hawk.

By nocturnal evolution this creature Has developed the ability to read type in a dark room rotating at the speed of forty five times a minute, on hearing a rare soul record played would prefer scaling the stage to check it's ovo provenance rather than enjoying the music or heaven forbid - actually dance to it.

[Steve G]

Turntable hawk.

By nocturnal evolution this creature Has developed the ability to read type in a dark room rotating at the speed of forty five times a minute, on hearing a rare soul record played would prefer scaling the stage to check it's ovo provenance rather than enjoying the music or heaven forbid - actually dance to it.

Do their heads revolve round and round as they memorise the label address and phone number?

[Guest Polyvelts]

Do their heads revolve round and round as they memorise the label address and phone number?

Only in the lesser evolved , the more further developed members of the species are now capable of actually spinning their eyeballs at exactly 45rpm, but generally only at that exact speed, very rarely a rare strain of this breed can also utilise this skill at 33rpm, but in general this practice is disdained by the herd as the consider the playing of 'albums' as cheating and thus beyond their contempt.

[John Moffatt]

How about the 'Faith-keeper'? "If it wasn't played a Wigan then it's not northern soul: it's probably not soul of any kind." Still wearing the same (now very badly fitting) bags, shirt and bowling shoes, this individual hasn't actually slept since 1983. Wide-eyed, fast talking (utter gobbledegook), usually sounds drunk when totally sober (which is rare). Went to every all-nighter EVER. The bane of every DJ who ever refused to play 'The Snake'.

[Roburt]

Back around 1970, the 'prog rock' crowd (who had moved on from being soulies) used to refer to the old crowd as ..... Tamla Toytowners.

It wasn't meant as a compliment !!!

[Little-stevie]

The bingo caller.. Them djs that like the sound of their own voice tooooo much,less is more..Let the music play..

[KevH]

Turntable hawk.

By nocturnal evolution this creature Has developed the ability to read type in a dark room rotating at the speed of forty five times a minute, on hearing a rare soul record played would prefer scaling the stage to check it's ovo provenance rather than enjoying the music or heaven forbid - actually dance to it.

Also known as the Neckcraner,or Deckcraner.Reading the labels at 40 feet is an art ,thus distancing oneself from the Hawk,Craner tag.

[Little-stevie]

Turntable hawk.

By nocturnal evolution this creature Has developed the ability to read type in a dark room rotating at the speed of forty five times a minute, on hearing a rare soul record played would prefer scaling the stage to check it's ovo provenance rather than enjoying the music or heaven forbid - actually dance to it.

The Hawk is a close freind to the Siamese Twin, that person that stands so close over the deck, checking every tune you play, you can' even see the fooking dancefloor, the twin don't wanna move at all... Some even have the camera phone out to snap away at everything they like and don't know... Don't mind some attention but do wish they would give you some room to breath, chill, check the crowd, have a piss in your dj bottle behind the decks... The Twn as also be known to tell you what to play .. Big events with stage are pretty free from the Siamese twin, they lurk at small events where the decks are up close to the crowd....

Edited March 29, 2012 by little-stevie

[Wiggyflat]

What about Giffers.....fat bald blokes in their late fifties/sixties.....usually have an ailment of some sort.Wear trousers ordered out the back of the old News Of The World free mag...very into mid tempo/ballad soul and love to deejay.They are making up for the fact they didn't get a look in through the seventies...and keep feeding the dealers market of tunes nobody wanted back then.Crossover/beat ballads are often muttered by them and what's this old giffer playing is uttered by the crowd.Theres also the new type the plastic mod/Jimmy Cooper who can often be seen on a steed of this type.

Edited April 1, 2012 by wiggyflat

[Guest Polyvelts]

What about Giffers.....fat bald blokes in their late fifties/sixties.....usually have an ailment of some sort.Wear trousers ordered out the back of the old News Of The World free mag...very into mid tempo/ballad soul and love to deejay.They are making up for the fact they didn't get a look in through the seventies...and keep feeding the dealers market of tunes nobody wanted back then.Crossover/beat ballads are often muttered by them and what's this old giffer playing is uttered by the crowd.Theres also the new type the plastic mod/Jimmy Cooper who can often be seen on a steed of this type.

Shit ! that's me !!!!

[Guest Johnny One Trout]

Also known as the Neckcraner,or Deckcraner.Reading the labels at 40 feet is an art ,thus distancing oneself from the Hawk,Craner tag.

Ah yes, deckclockers in these here parts.

[Wiggyflat]

The deejays

Acetate man-spends his time tracking down producers/artists/label owners for the old tat they deemed not suitable for release in the first place.Some of it is good but there's a lot of crap.He needs an arctic to transport his box and can be seen with a grimaced face as another bit of lacquer flakes off that Pugmeat Nelson detroit rarity recorded in an unused skip.

50 Box-Only buys trophy pieces of records over 1k that another deejay has previously broken...doesn't know anything about Jackie Wilson....usually has a good job to bankroll this and also sees his records as an investment commodity.Always on popsike....can be heard saying ...one went on Manship's for.....he is a feeder of the record dealer who has tons of rubbish left from that haul in the big wood shed in Tuscon from 1978 and has created markets to sell them...

Soul Night-"it's about the music innit".Wants to make it big in his own "local way".May often or not have his own internet radio station playing oldies from CD.Never had the records in the first place and had a few SOS boots from the eighties.Buys repro patches.says KTF a lot and organises a lot of charity doos and easter egg runs for the local scooter club.

Giffer-Bald and in his fifties....reminisces about the Torch and that Frank Booper could dance.Ended when Wigan shut and he got married.After the divorce and pension found the scene still alive....he could now make his mark....buys all the ballads and mid tempo and deejays at the local soul nite to 20 people....there's still time...there's still time.

Opportunist-Was a face back in the day...broke records....had an ear for a tune and got into selling double glazing in 1981.Sold all the records and in the 90's noticed the CD generation of northern.....got back into it but cannot afford/care about the records.Get's regular gigs on the oldies scene on his name.

The Mod-It all went pear shaped for him in 1988...the mod scene was playing great black music then....everyone went San Francisco....he jumped ship and is still trying to influence the northern scene with his latin soul and r&b.May run a small night in a town centre.

The Evangelist-Went to Wigan in 79/80.....Can be heard saying "Richard saved it from pop dross".Frothes at the mouth when saying "detroit rarity".Stuck it through the hard times and resents the new baggies and patches reborns.Still buys like mad and is into "rare soul" not northern as "northern " has pop connoctations.Loves saying "that's white pop" with a sneer and is on a higher level "keeping it soulfull".Is a proud soul snob.

Anymore?

Edited April 1, 2012 by wiggyflat

[Guest Droylsdonian]

I'll warrant there are a foo of these on here - '3rd party onlys'.

All 'memories' acquired from folk they met quite recently, regurgitated ad nauseam to anyone who'll listen, irl or on t'interweb.

[Guest enchantedrythm]

Number 5 would be the ''Descartes''

I think I know everything about northern therefore I do

I think I've been everywhere, therefore I have

I think my opinion is more important than yours, therefore there can be no argument

I think my history on the northern scene is unsurpassed, therefore it is

I think everything I say is enthralling, interesting and edge of the seat stuff, therefore could you please wake up

"I think, therefore, do you know who I am ?

[Guest enchantedrythm]

Also known as the Neckcraner,or Deckcraner.Reading the labels at 40 feet is an art ,thus distancing oneself from the Hawk,Craner tag.

"THATS THE GEAR"

importance is paramount,

paranoira is 'parrot-noise'

and vision is seeing.

dancing is by way of Grensons

endearment is all....

plus the will....

"ive got that...."

"on another label..."

"richard is the only God besides me"

"butch is a nice little lad int he"

"i use the Nev Wherry handshake"

"just one more unknown and i'll be well on the way to becoming an unknown myself"

"mickie cruise is a fanny magnat"

"MORE"??

"socrates himself was permantly pissed"

(SO-CRATS)

"dobson, dyson & searling c/o. know them wellish"

.

[jocko]

Do you get a prize for being in most categories, suspect I am roaring ahead.......

[Bunderthollox]

In record dealers I have found a mister "I'm cutting me own arm off ....record shops opens up a whoe new hornets nest of oddities haha.

[Peter99]

Bearsy told me to fook off once.

Does that count?

[Dekka]

7) Bellenders

Top 5 hundred Boot players jumping on the bandwagon and charging people for the "Priviledge"

[Soulman58]

No 8. Pseudo soul fans. More worried about the rarity, writer, label,issue number than what's in the grooves.

[Guest allnightandy]

You could have an "R" Soul Somebody who knows everything single about a particular record

even down to the name of the producers dog , but failing to spot the record you are holding is a boot LoL

Oh him ? He's just an "R"

Edited May 7, 2012 by allnightandy