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MrC

Ryanair - A Complaint Letter From A Mate, Sent This Morning

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Posted to Ryan Air today;

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing for the attention of your customer experience team. I am definitely a customer, and believe me, you didn’t fail providing us with an experience.

My wife and I had booked to fly from Stansted on the Thursday 17th April, evening flight to Bratislava. After 2 hours of fun, fun, fun, stuck on the M25 doing 20 mph, we arrived at Stansted check in with just one hour until the flight. Knowing the strict Ryan Air policy on ‘check in closes 40 mins before the flight’ as you are the Low Fare Taxi of The Skies, we went straight to the Ryan Air assistant and explained our plight. She said we were still within the time and all would be fine but we had to make the attendant at check in aware and he would assist from there.

We approached the attendant as instructed and explained. Unfortunately, in the main part, due to him being a child, and forgetting to bring his mother to work, he heard only half of the words before his brain fell apart like a wet cake. He led us to the line for closing gates, advised we should wait and all would be ok. We stood patiently in the line for 20 minutes. We got to the front of the line and the lady, who we shall from this point refer to a Vacant, explained that she had literally just that second closed the flight and we had missed it. We complained that we had done as instructed and she said it was the child’s fault because he should have advised her that we were trying to board a closing flight and that because he hadn’t told her it was therefore our fault we had missed the plane.

Confused by this process of blame apportioning, another check in clerk, who we shall refer to as Not That Bright, tried to blame us for not responding to the last call for the flight as we should have made ourselves known. I argued that the last call had not been made. Not That Bright then questioned Vacant on whether she had done a final call. Vacant did what she does best and looked, well,…… After establishing that the child had not informed Vacant we were here, and Vacant had forgotten to do a last call and that all of this was irreversible, and my fault, Not That Bright and Vacant conferred to agree this was not a problem they wished to deal with and told us to get in a very, very long line of very, very unhappy people at the quite wrongly titled ‘Customer Services Counter’ as it was in fact a Customer Shouting Desk. We complained and requested the attention of a manager.

Out came Colin, a man so angry all his hair had literally fallen out. He was so aggressive I can only assume he had accidentally inserted something sharp into somewhere private and been unable to remove it before he came to work. He was definitely a middle Gimp. I know this as Vacant and Not That Bright were clearly quite scared of him, and he can’t have been a Big Cheese as he was talking directly to customers and we all know from the papers that no-one in Big Cheese management at Ryan Air has ever seen, let alone spoken to an actual customer.

Middle Gimp had clearly listen hard at Ryan Air Middle Gimp school as he managed to take two perfectly calm and sane adults and in a matter of seconds reduce them to angry people considering violence.

‘Check in opens 3 hours before the flight’ he barked repeatedly as if it was the answer to every question in life. We tried to ask Middle Gimp direct questions about why it was necessary for us to miss the flight because the Child had forgotten to do his job, and Vacant had forgotten to do hers.

‘Why is this our fault, and why should we miss the flight because Ryan Air staff have admitted they made errors?.

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you acknowledge we have just cause for complaint as we tried to do the right thing and the only reason we are not on the plane is because of communication failures with Ryan Air Staff?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘What colour are my trousers?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Do you think economic sanctions on Russia will diffuse the escalating situation in Ukraine?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘Were Man Utd right to fire David Moyes?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

‘My tinkle is hurting, could you take a look if I promise not to tell anyone?’

‘Check in opens three hours before the flight’

Middle Gimp then conferred with Vacant and Not That Bright, and agreed that this was all our fault as we should have noticed that Child had made an error and we should have called the flight ourselves to assist Vacant in doing her job because she was clearly busy being, well,…... Middle Gimp then insisted we go to customer the Customer Shouting Desk, as he was definitely not going to do anything else. This was handy as the queue was very long so that by the time we would reach the front the plane would be half way to Bratislava and the problem would be solved.

We waited patiently in line as customer after customer stood at the desk to hear the same song;

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

We got to the Customer Shouting Desk and explained our plight to the lady there (who was actually very nice and clearly should not be working for Ryan Air as a result). She apologised but explained that Middle Gimp had finished being angry for the day and had returned to his padded cage and there were no other Middle Gimps around. We would have to book in to the flight for the next day and we would have to pay £110 each to change the ticket. When she tried to re-book the flight she said that the flight we had tried to get was actually delayed by 1 hour and still at the air port and that what we should do is run to the gate with all our luggage, she would call through and they would check our bags into the hold at the gate. We ran as fast as we could, which is not very fast because I am fat, to security to do as instructed. Security advised us that because our flight should have left, even though it hadn’t, the ticket machine would not open the barrier for us and we would need to return to the Customer Shouting Desk.

We waited patiently in the very long queue yet again for about 40 minutes to discover the nice lady had also gone home now so we had to explain the whole thing again to a new lady that looked like all the joy had been removed from her life at birth. She recited the Ryan Air customer services song with a sterling level of apathy and dreariness, I am surprised she could muster the will just to breather and stay alive.

‘No, no, I can’t do that, no, there are no Middle Gimps available, no, no, sorry, no, give me all your money’

She recited it with perfection, Middle Gimps across the world would have been in awe and the effectiveness of the techniques taught in Middle Gimp School. Seeing no other option but to hand over all our cash and come back the next morning we happily paid and got new flights.

As the new flight was at 6.25am in the morning we decided to get a hotel, we paid £79 for a room and got a taxi.

So, our customer experience was insightful and liberating. From the incompetent Child with a brain so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak, through Vacant and Not That Bright who decided on reflection that anything they did wrong was our fault for not pointing it out to them, right through Middle Gimp who made a Tasmanian Devil look calm and Zen like, and the sad one, oh so sad, having every last drop of life sucked out of her by her chosen career at the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk. I very nearly jumped over the desk just to give her a cuddle and tell her everything would be alright if she could just muster the will to leave the Ryan Air Customer Shouting Desk and find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.

The net result of this ‘experience’ was;

New Flights - £220

Hotel £79

Taxi x 2 £50 

Worlds most expensive sandwich in the only hotel we could get £35

1 x significant breach of Tort Law (2008 as quoted by Lord Atkin) by Ryan Air, Google it, it’s a cracking read. I will leave you to decide the monetary value of this.

1 x very angry and upset wife, in particular with Middle Gimp for being so unbelievably rude.

1 x Missed wedding reception for our Slovakian family (sorry, forgot to mention this nugget earlier) who all turned up from all over the country to see us for an event we were forced to miss, because Child and Vacant are clueless at best and Middle Gimp has anger management issues.

So, thank you Ryan Air for a comfortable and enjoyable experience. I have watched a program called the news so I fully expect this to land on the desk of the customer services team underneath the empty bottles and sandwich wrappers that you also file there. You treated us badly, you cost us money and made us miss our wedding reception through a display of incompetence I have not seen since Greece was allowed to have money and a cheque book.

I sincerely doubt you will do anything about this, compensate us, apologise, or even respond according to the news, so I have sent this recorded and sign for delivery to absolutely confirm my opinion of Ryan Air and that it is not just ‘lost in the post’

Regards

You bunch of…………….

DJ Lockley

P.S. Maybe Middle Gimp in particular, but Child, Not That Bright, and Vacant should purchase one of your reasonable priced tickets and go to Slovakia (assuming they were actually allowed on the plane. The Ryan Air employees there are smart, clever, bilingual, helpful, and polite and they should in my opinion experience an example of how they should do their job. The Slovak staff could explain it to them, but they wouldn’t be able to understand it for them, so it may be a waste of time after all.

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Brilliant. This needs to be posted to Facebook so it can go viral. That'll get the attention of Ryanair and plenty of others besides.

 

I know Steve, a catalogue of disasters! I know I shouldnt, but, I laughed so hard a little bit of wee came out!

 

You have a problem that's usually associated with childbirth. Some pelvic floor exercises might help...  :D

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Brilliant. This needs to be posted to Facebook so it can go viral. That'll get the attention of Ryanair and plenty of others besides.

 

 

You have a problem that's usually associated with childbirth. Some pelvic floor exercises might help...  :D

 

Got put on Facebook earlier.....

 

 

1 2 3 sqeeeeeeeeze..... and relax.....

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To quote an official phrase "Check in begins 3 hours before the flight". What part of that does your friend not understand, Ryan air is not responsible for any delay accrued by your friend before the flight i.e. The M25,  so how could your friend expect them to find an exception for them based purely on them being literate and reasonable. Nearly 90% of Ryan air customers and an estimated 35% of Ryan air staff are believed to be literate so your friends aren't that special.

 To be short, you get what you pay for, You want cheap, you get treated cheap.

  

Writing this with tongue in cheek playing devils advocate, thought the letter was funny but wasted on Ryan air. :) 

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To quote an official phrase "Check in begins 3 hours before the flight". What part of that does your friend not understand, Ryan air is not responsible for any delay accrued by your friend before the flight i.e. The M25,  so how could your friend expect them to find an exception for them based purely on them being literate and reasonable. Nearly 90% of Ryan air customers and an estimated 35% of Ryan air staff are believed to be literate so your friends aren't that special.

 To be short, you get what you pay for, You want cheap, you get treated cheap.

  

Writing this with tongue in cheek playing devils advocate, thought the letter was funny but wasted on Ryan air. :) 

Ahh, "begins 3 hours before the flight" but  Ryan Air policy states ‘check in closes 40 mins before the flight’ they were there in time, and the fact that the flight was delayed by an hour and they still didnt get on it is the real problem I think - and the fact that the UK staff acted like morons....

 

:D

Edited by MrC

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Contact Dominic little on the BBC. This would make a great show . As earlier stated the service industry is a joke.

Lobotomy , applications this way, form a orderly que for jobs at Ryan air, British gas, United utilities etc etc. 

Hope that makes sense

 

Steve

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Seems this letter has gone viral big time. So much so that I've just been sent a copy of it in an email by my mum!

 

According to the Facebook page of the author, James Lockley, it's been shared more than 58,000 times. Amazing!

 

Now that should have grabbed the attention of Ryanair! 

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love the way you can't print your return ticket for free if the return is aweek away so you have to pay £5 or risk the internet with a printer is available where you go .If you can do it by paying why can't you just print it when you do the out flight? 

...more money for the thieving leprechaun.

sorry mrc not trying to highjack you rant but your not alone many won't fly with them if they can use any one else.

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love the way you can't print your return ticket for free if the return is aweek away so you have to pay £5 or risk the internet with a printer is available where you go .If you can do it by paying why can't you just print it when you do the out flight? 

...more money for the thieving leprechaun.

sorry mrc not trying to highjack you rant but your not alone many won't fly with them if they can use any one else.

 

150 quid for printing off two boarding 'cards' at their desk, according to my missus. 

 

problem is they are so damn cheap and are also, a high proportion of the time, arriving on time at their destination. 97% i think. higher than any other airline, they delight in telling us.

 

part of prices being so low is paying shaved monkeys f+ck all to work for them in customer facing jobs. when dealing with shaved monkeys you need to be on top of things. dont take what they say as any kind of truth.

 

i used them to fly to Spain a few weeks ago, cost me 60 quid return to get a few thousand miles. i cant get 200 miles and back in the uk on a train for that price. 

 

just booked some more in the next school holidays, only 40 quid dearer. half the price of most other airlines, in fact. 

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the fact they arrive on time is they and on 10 to 15 mins on the flight time then say we got you in early are'nt we great.

yes they are cheap but make any mistake in booking ect and it gets very dear as you say £150 is just taking the pi**  

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Here's a link to an amusing letter of complaint sent to Richard Branson with regards to the food served up on a Virgin flight from Mumbai to Heathrow.....

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html

 

Although I'm a big fan of Virgin airways myself, looking at the images, I have to agree with the complainant.

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the fact they arrive on time is they add on 10 to 15 mins on the flight time then say we got you in early are'nt we great.

yes they are cheap but make any mistake in booking ect and it gets very dear as you say £150 is just taking the pi**  

 

Corrected spelling mistake  :wink:  but yes they do, most airlines do, if you read flight time on the booking and the flight time said by the cabin crew they're always shorter.

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I remember that letter to Virgin from when it was in the news, made me laugh then too.

 

If you haven't already read them, "The Letters of Henry Root" and "The Further Letters of Henry Root" are very entertaining.

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the fact they arrive on time is they and on 10 to 15 mins on the flight time then say we got you in early are'nt we great.

yes they are cheap but make any mistake in booking ect and it gets very dear as you say £150 is just taking the pi**  

 

 

thing is you need to play their game. they can only take the piss out of you if you let them. 

 

i would suggest that not allowing enough time to arrive and think clearly then putting your trip in their hands by taking their advice knowing that their staff are as thick as the proverbial pig shite is playing into their hands slightly.

 

if BA were not so expensive id fly with them every time. had a similar incident to the writer of the letter when flying BA to Barcalona once. I had checked in got pissed and lost track of time. but they came and found me, gave me a bollocking, very rudely actually and put me on the plane. 

 

they give you free booze, their staff are on the whole pretty likeable and they do seem to care about their customers.

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Hope he gets a reply, he should try and get it directly to O'Leary. 

 

He's the reason their customer service is so poor - it feeds down from the top

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does it publish replies?

 

It certainly does.  Henry Root (pseudonym) is a character dreamt up by William Donaldson.  Mr Root used to correspond with the famous, the wealthy and the influential including politicians such as Margaret Thatcher, several football clubs and even the First Sea Lord.  Some of the replies are priceless, as a lot of the recipients take the letters at face value, not realising they are having the piss taken out of them.

 

Here's a sample....

 

Root wrote to the senior Treasury counsel at the Old Bailey: "Now that the sensible practice of jury fixing is out in the open thanks to the irresponsible behaviour of the Guardian, I would like to nominate myself as a rigged juryman in certain trials. In cases involving pornographers, blasphemers and those prone to civil agitation and disorder, you'd have at least one vote under your belt ... Here's a pound! Put my name at the top of the list if you want a conviction!" The money was returned.

Edited by Steve S 60

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Having watched documentaries, news reports and experience of friends we have a fixed MD for low cost and/or charter flights. These are :

 

Weigh carry on before leaving home, preferably the night before, adjust if necessary. 

Print boarding passes within minutes of being allowed to.

Check roadworks, traffic jams or other obstacles on our journey.

Leave well on time, allow journey time + 1.50 hours at airport, there can be delays there too (security, industrial action, etc.)

 

We have 2 Ryanair flights coming up, always an adventure.  :ohmy:

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Guest clanger v2

Timewaster letters is another on this theme. Complete with replies. I had to stop reading it on busses and tubes because I was unable to contain my laughter.

 

They're brilliant!

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So, has any sort of conclusion been reached with this letter to Ryanair? After having gone viral big time online, does it have a happy ending?

 

Not just yet........   

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Good old Ryanair managed to get themselves in the papers the other week for some airborne shenanigans......

 

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ryanair-passengers-left-furious-after-3482452

 

Love this bit :

 

A spokesperson for Ryanair said: "There was no offer of a ‘free bar’ on this or any other Ryanair flight and no free drinks were dispensed. "Cabin crew were interacting with our customers and arranged a pass the parcel competition, but this was in a spirit of good fun." After the game had stopped, our aisle, the left one, lost, the crew said there was no free bar and 10 minutes later brought out the drinks trolley and started charging for drinks."  :lol: 

 

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You lent me that, it was hilarious

 

I was on a plane from Brussels to Istanbul reading it, the cabin crew thought I was having a seizure............LOL.............. :lol:

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Bizarrely enough all low cost airlines are spawned from Southwest in the US. They get great reviews (generally) and are as cheap as chips.

 

http://www.airlineratings.com/passenger-reviews/129/southwest-airlines

 

Why do Ryaniar & to an extent Easy Jet make such a drama of the whole thing ? If you use a German low cost airline like German Wings, DBA or suchlike they all seem to work smoothly. Gotta be an Irish thing for sure  :lol:

Edited by Chris L

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I'm booked on a flight from Charleroi to Manchester on Friday 23rd. Ryanair say you can print boarding passes 8 days in advance, tried to do that and now being told that can only check in on Sunday 18th, that's 5 days. Apparently they do this if they haven't "sold" enough pre-booked seats at €5.00 a shot. What a Mickey Mouse outfit they are, no wonder they're losing market share. Sometimes I wonder if O'Leary just sees this as some sort game.  :(

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