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okehgaz

Favourite Joke Of 2014

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The company boss got out of his huge new BMW on the factory car park. 
 
One of his apprentices said, "Great motor boss!" 
 
The boss said: "Well son if you work harder, be punctual, put in more hours, work evenings and weekends and take fewer holidays.......... I'll be getting an even better one next year!" 

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A Jewish girl calls her mother "Mum I'm getting a divorce"

"Why" the mother asks shocked.

"Mum " all he wants is bum sex.

I used to have a lovely little bum hole the size of a 5p piece. Now it's the size of a 50p piece.

 

The mother says "Darling" you have a lovely home,a Porsche, platinum credit card,a villa in Marbella, kids in private school

and 6 holidays a year and you want to give all that up for 45p.  :wicked:

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Little lad says to his Grandad, Can you make a sound like a frog ?

 

Grandad asks, why do you want me to do that ?

 

Little boy reply's,  because mum said when you croak we can all go on holiday to Florida  :)

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Broke driving down the street in his white van, boss rings him up.....

"You've been promoted to supervisor'.

Driver swerves off road, nearly hits curb and carries on.

Phone goes again....."We've now promoted you to Production Manager"

Driver swerves again, nearly hits curb and carries on.

Phone goes again...."We've decided to elect you on the Board of Directors".

This time, Bloke swerves, nearly hits curb.....straight over a patch of grass and goes straight into a tree trunk.

Police arrive...."what happened"

Bloke "I just careered right off the road".......... :D

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edited

Steve

 

 

this is a public forum 

the use of such sexual words as you posted can result in the thread or indeed the  site being classified as a "adult" site which may then mean that people can't view thread/site at work or result in the site not featuring in search engines etc

ask please think  before using such sexual terms in future

thanks

mike

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my wife texted me ,,,i've found out you've been sleeping with another woman ,you cheating bar steward ,i've taken my things and i'm going back to my sisters house.....I texted back.... ok ,see you when you get here.....

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Watching that fly on the wall documentary last year the one set in Blackpool and its problems as seen from the 999 people. Anyway the cameras filming this lady in the despatch office talking to a non English guy on the other end of the phone who is threatening to kill himself, he says" I have a knife/bottle and have already cut myself" the lady said "where are you bleeding from" the guy replies "Poland "

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Chicken crossing the road, bumps into a bloke in a black and white suit, with a bow tie.

"Whats your name? he asks.

To which the bloke replies "Bond, James Bond" and says why, whats yours.

"KEN", CHIC  KEN he replies :thumbsup:

 

I'm dreaming of a better future... where a chicken can cross the road and not have its motives questioned!

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I don;t do jokes.....it can get u in trouble I found at an early age!x

However.....a joke I heard/read recently did have me in stitches....

 

...ring ring....Hi precious it's Daddy and i'm on me way home be there in 15 minutes!x

...DAAAADYYY.....YOUR HOOOOME EARLYYYY YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!X

Is Mam there my little Baby.....?

...errr yes Daddy but I think she just landed on the patio bleeding after jumping out of the bedroom window I think! Oh no.....her friend has just done the same!!!!

...WHAT FRIEND precious?

A man she said she had to do some work with......Daddy they are both naked and bleeding and I think they look really in a bad way.....what shall I do???

 

....errrr.....is this Cambridge 01223 4778@@????

 

......no Daddy...why?????

 

.........................................the caller has left the conversation........please hang up......................dead tone.....

@@
~
LUV
SOOTY
X

Edited by SOOTY

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