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manusf3a

Heroes,hobo's And Holidays Tales From

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I know its well over now but having just got over a prolonged bout of bronchitis,the longest one I can remember the holiday season doesn't seen that long ago as I am just recently getting up and about.One thing I like to do  no matter what me mum and dad told me when I was little is talk to strangers,you know folk you meet in cafes,waitIng in queues what ever for you may from time to time hear some really amazing funny and outlandish things if you give a person free reign to tell all!The first story is about heroes!

 

Sitting in catherdral square a few days before christmas a man came and sat down at the same table I was sat at drinking my coffee from the outdoor drinks stand,he had with him, a small dog.After smoking a fag and some chit chat I remarked that all the pigeons getting underfoot and under the table were a bit of a nuisance,at this the mans demenour changed,I am an ex para and those pigeons won the war for us,they were given a special medal for it.I answered him saying that I heard something about a carrier pigeon getting a medal during world war one for flying a great number of missions."Not ww1 stupid",I was told "They showed the  RAF where to drop their bombs",He went on to tell me that the bombs were connected to the pigeon s which would then direct them on to target,I know I should have left it there  but I then asked him if the pigeon flew in front of the bomb which then followed it down? "No stupid ",he was by now getting a bit flustered by my thickness."There was a special built in compartment the pigeon went in ",I asked if just before impact the pigeon flew out of this compartment",Course it bloody does  he spoke a look of contempt at my ignorance in his eye".So the story went according to him the secret of how the exact way the communication between pigeon and bomb was done is a milatary secret kept up to  this present day and is covered by the official secrets act not to be  be revealed until one hundred years have passed!however the medal presented to pigeons for their bravery and contribution to the bombing of nazi germany was public knowledge at the time so therefore  all pigeons should be treated with respect including the ones shitting everywhere underfoot all over the town square and round the open air cafe!

 

I was then told a tale of his time with the paras and the astounding array of tricks his dog could do including barking a set number of times when friends came to the door and another for enemies and strangers using special animal sense to know who was on the other side of a solid wood door.The gentlemen standing about five two in his boots(ex army of course)and in his late fifties hinted at present day clandestine work on the side for the security services.I ended up buying him another tea and ghving him a couple more roll ups as he was so entertaining.I had to fight hard to control myself as I badly wanted to laugh and a few times big smiles broke through that he noticed and I had to explain away   as something I saw etc,pointing at a couple of folk out of the blue.The facts about the pigeons and all the details surrounding were pure magic and proved the hardest to keep a straight face  over.By sitting and saying nowt and not talking to folks you can I would imagine miss out so much in knowledge you could gain and possibly miss hearing  tales far funnier than so called big  time comedians get paid for telling.I think it could be something about the total stranger never going to meet up again thing that brings out those incredible yarns but you never know maybe they do it all the time even to folk who have known them years.?

 

So the Heroes ,the telling of their daring deeds by the camo clad warrior were a very funny almost up lifting start to the holiday for me even though the broncho was just starting I had just heard the best  tall tale I had heard for ages and in so much specific detail.A week or so later I heard a story not so funny.

 

I had been over to the local shops for some lemsip and had called in at a pals on the way back ending up staying there a couple of hours.I let myself in the communal hallway,I live in a small block of six  flats three ground floor,three first  with communal halls ,staircase and magnetic fob operated security doors to get into the building.As I turned to go up the stairs there sitting on the top of them was a rough sleeper,drinker aged mid forties or so that I ve seen round town but didnt know by name, I said to him that he couldnt stay living in the hallway as there were other tenents who might might not be understanding and that I didnt have any intention of kicking him out right away or getting what I hear is know known as "Bluefoot",round to move him on  but it was freezing like the poles outside,real feching cold and the hallway was a lot warmer than out side but when the weather  warmed up a bit he would have to hop it  blankets and all.I then made him a cup of tea,sand wiches gave him  a  can of beer and a few fags  ,when I saw him still there next morning made him more tea and toast,this went on for a couple of days.Then when the weather got better he was all of a sudden  gone not to return.Where I live is a couple of miles out of town and ordinarily you wouldnt find rough sleepers this far out especialy during holiday times as the pickings are good for begging,tapping etc  around  that time of the year.I had a few chats with the bloke obviously and he knew the score about hostels,shelter etc as hed been on the street a long time as a drinker.I think the bloke had fallen out with his clique in town thats why for him he was so far out probs part of a share club type set up,each takes their turn to buy the drink for the group ,on his pay day,perhaps he had renaeged and spent it all himself and realising the consequences,a vicous beating or worse is not uncommon for such a transgression among such groups when punishing peer members,fled out of reach till he could make good.Whatever reasons or  for what it hit me quite hard thinking about his situation and I thought that I couldnt handle it being in such a situation ,homeless,skint,etc,with the weather bitter to say the least and cold going through your bones like ice ,thinking that with this bronchitis on top how on earth could you do it.Theres  only so much you can do and no matter how hard it hits seeing this as it is I still wouldnt say come on in and sleep on my sofa.Though in my much younger years I had a spell or two of short periods of homelessness and got through it for it to happen these days to me I dont know what I would do I know years have softened me and the thought of being out in that cold ,skint,starving,no one you can go to ,thats horrific.

 

Well rather than a party or a present xmas,new year just gone(well a few eeks ago) or whatever the two tales one that kept and still keeps me smiling when I recall the details of it and the other that makes me sad to the core  seeing it close up again after a long period of time are what I will remember along with the longest bout of broncho I have ever had.

 

Fech the medal for the pigeons real heroes are out there doing something to bring a bit of human compassion to the many ho are on the streets everywhere in this country and those fighting in various ways to help empoower the homeless to do as much as they can to change their lives .

 

 

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Will do Dave mate ,theres plenty in the memory locker inside me head.

That's good Manus, I've missed your tales.  Glad to see you're better.  I'm doing Lifeline on the 28th, will be in Peterborough area from the 23rd to 28th

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That's good Manus, I've missed your tales.  Glad to see you're better.  I'm doing Lifeline on the 28th, will be in Peterborough area from the 23rd to 28th

Thats good news Dave Lifelines a defo and a meet for a pint or two in town would be good(have to check posh fixtures)I will let Kimbo know  he would be sure to want to meet up. 

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Thats good news Dave Lifelines a defo and a meet for a pint or two in town would be good(have to check posh fixtures)I will let Kimbo know  he would be sure to want to meet up. 

Excellent news, I'm a good hour outside of the city, but that's not a problem

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Hey Manus,

 

Glad to see you on the mend. Welcome back Mate. :thumbsup:

 

Regards,

 

Dave

Thamks Dave ,feels good to be up and about without the deep Brando"Make em an offer",growl to my voice brought on by the broncho

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There was a bloke who worked at ours who played for Liverpool in a pre-season friendly (behind closed doors) and scored all 15 goals in their 15-0 demolition of Man U.

He would have bagged 16 but had one disallowed  because Ian Rush was offside.

 

Same chap was asked to go on a secret mission to kill Osama Bin Laden but he couldn't cus it would have meant him having to parachute in and he had a bad back.

I asked him how he'd have killed him if he'd have gone, he said "if I told you that, I'd have to kill you!" Fair enough, I didn't really want to know!

 

I know what you mean about not keeping your face straight though Manus, when he told us the story about when he went fishing with Charles, I asked him "who's Charles?". I wasn't ready for "Your future King!" (as if it was a stupid question) Anyhow, long story short, River Dee, he caught 5 salmon and 2 sturgeon, Charles caught nowt, big banquet that night, he and Charles (Your future King) were quaffing £10,000 bottles of the good stuff. Diana and the rest had to make do with cheap plonk!

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