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Denise Scholfield My Late Wife


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Posted (edited)

Sadly I have to announce the death of my wife Denise Scholfield on 7th October 2020 52 years, one day after her birthday. 

Cancer took her away from me, at Castle Hill Hull.  I was with her right to the end holding her hand, and praying together, (I have a rough idea how to) which gave her comfort. 

She came  few times to Mill Road Club in Scunny, Drax Power of Soul  nights and another place a pub that has since been demolished, the name I cant remember, the Queens I think. 

Although she professed to not liking soul very much, it has been revealed she was a massive fan of Luther Vandross, she and her sister used to sing his songs in their bedroom, as Ive now been told. 

One night she surprised me in a pub she began to sing quietly, The Marvelettes Destination Anywhere word for word, the full song-I was like ''whats that youre singing!'' then Have I got that, to which she replied yes you do. I couldn't believe that she picked such an obscure and deeply soulful song to get hold of, and learn line by line, listening to the lyrics it represented us at the time And what's more she had a voice like an angel, church taught, I loved her singing. 

and Id often come home to find records in the wrong boxes, so it was then I realised she was playing my records when i was away from home.

The funniest moment was when I sneaked a bag of records when I came in from Henry Atkinsons house and stuffed them down he side of the dresser. She charged upstairs behind me 

''What are you hiding?'' 

''Nowt!''

In trotted my loyal (traitor) terrier Scruffy, and went straight to the dresser raked them out with his paws...

''what's all these then????''  ...oh I forgot I put them down there, ages ago...I replied pathetically. 

In the run up to her death, I played a couple of live sets on FB which she tuned into in her hospital bed, shouting encouragement at me  ❤️   Before she went in, out last weekend at home. she asked me to put James Brown on Youtube, I feel Good, which she bopped round the living room to-''put another one on'', JB again, and so two full days of the Godfather-I can't entirely recommend it :D

 

I stopped going to weekenders as I missed being away from her, nighters, I couldnt do any more either, marriage changed me/us so we went together or she went shopping while I spent a couple of hours at all-dayers. I'm just eternally thankful, for Denise putting up with me for ten years. 

 

Funerals on 2nd November. The music will be Latin soul in and out the crematorium which she really got into while we were in Cuba last year. 

neesy beautiful.jpg

Edited by Bunderthollox
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Sadly I have to announce the death of my wife Denise Scholfield on 7th October 2020 52 years, one day after her birthday.  Cancer took her away from me, at Castle Hill Hull.  I was with her right

You’ve done your wife proud with such a loving tribute, may she rest in peace. 

Thats so brave of you to share your obviously raw emotions at such a devastating time in your life. May Denise sleep well and rest in peace.   As a footnote.  I was lucky enough to see the Marvel

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Thats so brave of you to share your obviously raw emotions at such a devastating time in your life. May Denise sleep well and rest in peace.  

As a footnote.  I was lucky enough to see the Marvelettes sing Destination Anywhere live a few years ago and it was very special.  

Steve and Lou.  XX 

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So sad for your loss, I may or may not have met you or Denise but I found your words moving, a lovely message at a difficult time for you and your family. 

Rest in peace Denise.

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So sorry for your loss - that was a very moving post & so brave of you to post at such a sad & difficult time for you & your family. My thoughts are with you all - RIP Denise xxx

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38 minutes ago, Winsford Soul said:

Thats so brave of you to share your obviously raw emotions at such a devastating time in your life. May Denise sleep well and rest in peace.  

As a footnote.  I was lucky enough to see the Marvelettes sing Destination Anywhere live a few years ago and it was very special.  

Steve and Lou.  XX 

What an event to have seen-not the most blindingly obvious song to learn off by heart, in a way it summed us up. Just when things are falling apart, there's a lifeline, we met when we were 14, and life got in the way-we were lucky enough to reunite ten years ago. Very Thankful and thanks for that Steve and Lou XX 

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1 hour ago, Martyn Pitt said:

So sad for your loss, I may or may not have met you or Denise but I found your words moving, a lovely message at a difficult time for you and your family. 

Rest in peace Denise.

Thank you so much Martyn. 

1 minute ago, Middleman said:

Oh that’s awful, I really feel for you.

You have my sincere sympathies.

Best wishes 

Steven 

Thank you Steven, appreciated.  Never thought Id be a widower at 53. 

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1 hour ago, Colnago said:

You’ve done your wife proud with such a loving tribute, may she rest in peace. 

thanks my friend, appreciated. 

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Sorry for your loss. That's no age. I'm so pleased you have those happy memories. Not all non soul loving wives are so accommodating.

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Yes she was cool man, thanks Dave, she bought me records on my birthday and my beauriful Loakes Well there was the one time..I was playing in the pub to 3 people, she walked in and went ''Well this is f******g rockin!'' I collapsed laughing in the booth.

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Thanks Leicester Boy I never thought Id be a widower 6 years after getting married but here I am, I have tried to articulate, some people on these hallowed pages knew Denise from Facebook and the few soul nights she attended  and her little ventures with the Barton Soul Crew so I felt it was appropriate to post. 

19 hours ago, Middleman said:

 

Thank you Steven 

20 hours ago, Kathryn Magson said:

So sorry for your loss - that was a very moving post & so brave of you to post at such a sad & difficult time for you & your family. My thoughts are with you all - RIP Denise xxx

Thank You Kathryn people knew her so I felt inclined to write much love xxxx

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On 27/10/2020 at 13:22, Mickey Finn said:

What a beautiful and uplifting tribute. Thanks for sharing.

Keep your head to the sky.

Condolences to you and your family.

Thanks Mickey, Im going to use it as a positive experience, I have to honour her every day in some way. Just got to get over this terrible time. Getting there, many thanks. 

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A lovely tribute about your wife, Denise. It sounds like you had lots of fun and love together. Sending my condolences to you and your family x 💙

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Sorry for your loss whether it’s 10 years or 40 years losing the losing the love of your life is devastating, all I can say is make sure you take care of yourself and when you can spend time with your friends and soul friends. You have the music to listen too that she enjoyed

 

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Sorry for your loss.

The funeral is the worst thing. Hope you have good friends and family with you.

Denise will never be far away.

Celebrate her life and all the great memories. 

Ed

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I feel the pain... but also the strong memories of happiness in your post. 

And here's the rub.....The better the relationship, the more it hurts when you part. So as hard as it is, I bet if you could go back in time, you wouldn't change the day you met, and all the happy years thereafter.....even if you knew you were going to lose her in Oct 2020? 

And I also think the key currently really is 'one day at a time' Just manage each day and let tomorrow take care of itself.

And think what she would say to you if she could talk to you now? I am sure she would want you to be as happy as possible and to look after yourself and push on with life (I know that's what I would want for my Mrs). 

Take care......my heart feels for you. 

 

 

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Hi Sean, I never knew Denise had a Northern Soul connection. I worked with her for years at TCC, such a lovely lass and great fun on the pay day sessions in the Brass Balance.

I have been following all the TCC guys on FB and i hope the film messages they put together shows you how well she was loved by all of the teams.

My condolences to you and yours. 

Mark

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20 hours ago, Gert Mark said:

Mark Hi and  thank you so much. Denise was quite an enigma and kept work world and home life as two very distinct places. I’ve heard names, endless chatter about the place and it’s mechanisms  I felt as if I worked for TCC at times.  Going to Liverpool opened up the world for Denise ,she was a small village girl with no real experience of city life and thanks for the love of all the people around her she took to it like a duck to water. I will pass this on to family and friends and thank you for such a beautiful tribute. We are so looking forward to the video tribute, it’s such a wonderful warm thing to do and I wouldn’t have expected anything less from Liverpool, it is truly humbling.

Fraser came to the funeral and we parted with strong bonds, through Denise and through music. Best thing I ever did was put in that ring on her finger the second-best was Looking after the grandkids for nearly 2 years then Cuba ,  and the final thing that I could do for her was to carry her into church to say our goodbyes. Once again thank you all from the bottom of my heart X 

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On 30/10/2020 at 09:37, Wayoutgirl said:

Thank you lovely, Ups and Downs like any marriage WayOutGirl but we stuck it and we loved it there was a whole heap of fun along the way. ❤️

On 30/10/2020 at 17:22, Wiganer1 said:

Bless you pal

Thanks Wiganer ❤️

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On 26/10/2020 at 15:53, Kathryn Magson said:

So sorry for your loss - that was a very moving post & so brave of you to post at such a sad & difficult time for you & your family. My thoughts are with you all - RIP Denise xxx

Thank You Kathryn that’s so nice of you. Much love xxx

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On 30/10/2020 at 17:04, Fish Fingers said:

I feel the pain... but also the strong memories of happiness in your post. 

And here's the rub.....The better the relationship, the more it hurts when you part. So as hard as it is, I bet if you could go back in time, you wouldn't change the day you met, and all the happy years thereafter.....even if you knew you were going to lose her in Oct 2020? 

And I also think the key currently really is 'one day at a time' Just manage each day and let tomorrow take care of itself.

And think what she would say to you if she could talk to you now? I am sure she would want you to be as happy as possible and to look after yourself and push on with life (I know that's what I would want for my Mrs). 

Take care......my heart feels for you. 

 

 

Thank you Fingers  for taking the time to write this.

Ive digested these words And I will be sending these replies to family to help ease the pain as well as mine. It is one day at a time and the grief  I’m sure will be lifted in time. Soul and the Soul Fsmily is helping such  a lot right now. 

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22 hours ago, Gert Mark said:

Hi Sean, I never knew Denise had a Northern Soul connection. I worked with her for years at TCC, such a lovely lass and great fun on the pay day sessions in the Brass Balance.

I have been following all the TCC guys on FB and i hope the film messages they put together shows you how well she was loved by all of the teams.

My condolences to you and yours. 

Mark

Mark Ive put a photo up of Denise at top of the page now. Once again eternal thanks. Sean 

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On 05/11/2020 at 08:30, Gert Mark said:

Lovely Pic, exactly as i will remember her. X

Yep MArk shes looking all round the room at me, keeping a good eye on me ... X

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14 hours ago, Bunderthollox said:

Yep MArk shes looking all round the room at me, keeping a good eye on me ... X

Its not a bloke thing to do but always remember there are people you can talk to if things get on top buddy. Good luck going forward mate.

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Thanks Leicester it should be a bloke thing as silence can kill you. I’m having counselling, i I get the feeling it’s not for me, but worth a try-just there’s other ways of getting through but I don’t intend to be a casualty myself- had to pour the drink down the sink, done my self medicating-and it’s easier to knock it on head now, making meals is a biggie, doesn’t seem to be the impetus for that, yet- I can’t recommend this crap to anyone..it’s early days yet tho. Take care and stay safe 

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Funny you say about meals. When I ended up alone for the first time in my adult life, that was also a big thing for me. 

Just seemed pointless cooking for one... so lapsed onto ready meals and takeaways. And drinking. Then falling asleep on the sofa. Not good! 

If you can get a good exercise/fitness routine going, you automatically want to eat and drink better. And it produces the endorphines which make you feel better too. And helps you sleep. 

Fitness can be a game changer at times like this. (I can help a bit with that if you want as I am also a qualified boxing coach). Just do something physical. Doesn't matter what. And tick it off on the calendar every day you do something. See how many ticks you can get in a month. 

And don't beat yourself up. It will take as long as it takes to come to terms with it. 

One day at a time. 

👌

Edited by Fish Fingers
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Just a side issue on the point above. 

I make no apologies for posting this up on here again. I also know a lot of people won't like Tyson Fury and I know the video is about dealing with anxiety/depression, but there are a lot of similarities to dealing with mourning/loss imo. 

It's really interesting....and he hits the nail on the head at the end when he says fitness is the key. 

 

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