Mental Health Matters !!

[Ficklefingers 659]

Okay.. Wasn't sure about starting this topic but after the past week I feel I should - after all, we all suffer problems to some degree or other, I think it just comes down to how individuals cope and what mechanisms they use/have in place when experiencing low moods or suicidal thoughts.

Me.. unfortunately I'm one of those that has struggled for the best part of my life. Its not necessary to go into detail but my life has consisted of events that have caused lasting and ongoing damage, along with some major traumas too - one of which completely destroyed every single atom that makes me, and to this day I still do not understand how I manage to get past it.. but the upshot being I personally do suffer severely with my mental health.

I am not and never have been a 'talker' which does not help my persona situation.. hopefully I may be able to become one - I don't know yet..

Over the years I have tried various therapies and treatments - most private and not cheap, but none has so far worked. Instead I have developed coping mechanisms, so that if I suffer low moods I do whatever is needed from me to try and prevent a rapid decline into depression.. For the most part they work and help to prevent my 'demons', as I call them, from being able to find the little cracks that will allow them to penetrate my mind - where they begin a process of taking over and dragging me to the deepest depths

Unfortunately - and the covid situation is a big part of it, as I don't do 'alone' very well , my problems have become even more sever (even though I didn't think that possible lol) to the point that I have recently taken to self-harming. I don't expect anyone to understand this unless they have personal experience, but I can only describe the act as proving 'relief' if that makes sense? I have only done a couple of times - with the first occurrence providing that relief I needed, but even that didn't help earlier this week where I was so scared for my safety I rang my GP in desperation.. anxiety off the scale, constant panic attacks.. I wanted out - but didn't want out.. if anyone can understand that ?? my 'demons' had about taken over completely and there wasn't enough of 'me' left to fight them but, thankfully, sufficient of me to persevere for almost four hours in my attempts to stay on the 'phone long enough to actually get through and speak to my local surgery. I don't exaggerate when I say I truly believed I would take my Life that night

Thankfully my GP rang me back and, as a direct result - and with enormous gratitude to the local Mind Matters and Crisis teams I have now started a journey through ACCESS which I actually believe is going to help me with my (almost daily) struggles by identifying my actual problems in order I can take necessary steps to - if not cure them, then be in a position where I can cope and maybe find the peace of mind I so desperately seek and that, until now, I have feared I would only be able to find by 'stopping the world and getting off'

I don't know the reason for creating this post but suffice to say I believe it is good for ME just by virtue of my acceptance that I need help and am not one bit ashamed (now !!) to admit that to the world in hope that if there is anyone else out there whom faces similar 'battles, demons, and 'depression' realise there IS actually help out there for you.. but sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to admit it to yourself so you can actually reach out..

I realise there is no short, sharp, FIX for me (or anyone, really) and that I likely face a long and arduous journey - but nothing now will stop my 'pilgrimage' and I am embracing the prospect of whatever now lay's ahead.. I actually feel better for admitting my struggles on a public platform.. 

If there is ANYONE that might benefit from my experiences, would like to know more about the types of help out there and available, or just needs an ear.. It's hard to instigate - I know.. But I AM HERE FOR YOU

[Fish Fingers 182]

Firstly, that's a very brave post to make for an incredibly common 'condition' (mental illness). I did pick up on it when you mentioned it in your other post. 

Secondly, I think opening up to a load of strangers on an Internet forum can be quite useful.

I hate sharing things with family and found Internet forums very helpful over the years, when things went t***s up for me.....as they do for everyone from time to time. The anonymity was helpful, but from people with a similar age/outlook etc. 

I also get the self harm bit. When I was having a tough time in early 2000s - I used to do anything for an adrenaline rush (particularly taking the car out for a late night thrash).

At the time I also ending up going out with a girl with an eating disorder (bulimia). 

Whilst discussing this, a therapist then told me all these things (self harm / eating / adrenalin) are all related. They are just different distraction techniques to take your mind off things you don't want to think about.

Overload your senses so to speak. 

Once I realised this (along with the fact that exercise releases endorphins that improve your state of mind) I could start to channel things in the right direction (for me).... Adrenalin type sports. 

It's the 3rd time I have posted this video on the short time I have been a member on here (and I know a lot of people don't like Tyson Fury) - but I do think this video is amazing. 

Thanks for being brave enough to start the thread fickle fingers. 

[Zoomsoulblue 767]

Just passing on something that may help 
Neuro-Linguistic Programming - basically you’re brain is a CD any major shocks or pain will make a scratch in the CD - NLP softens the scratch - does not eliminate it - but helps you live to deal with it.

Some of us are lucky to go through numerous major challenges in life and still feel that we’re strong and still ok - even though there’s underlining issues that on various levels raise there head now and again.

PM me - not a problem

 

 

[Len 5,010]

Hi Johnny,

Sorry to hear of your long struggle, along with it some bad luck in life - As has been said, yours is a very brave post / step to take, but sharing these things can help I’m sure of that.

‘Anxiety and depression’ is banded about a lot nowadays, which I find frustrating when there are genuine cases like yours - Some people get mixed up with lows that life throws at us all, and seem to enjoy to ‘wallow’ (Not all cases I hasten to add)

My mum had agoraphobia (along with depression) and didn’t leave the house for 15 years. I’m not sure if these things run in families, but I too have suffered with anxiety / panic attacks.  I refused to let it get the better of me, so on nights that I was dreading going out, I forced myself to do so - Once out, more often than not I was absolutely fine (Not seeing my kids from my first marriage for nearly 20 years hasn’t helped, as that is a constant on my mind)

Anxiety is a natural human condition that no one should be ashamed of - Just got to manage it as best we can. 

I heard that panic attacks are a deep routed thing in us that dates back to when we could be eaten by a dinosaur at any moment.  It was a kind of ‘sixth sense’ to protect us from danger. ‘Fast forward’ a few years, we don’t need that instinct, yet it is still highly prevalent in some people - So the next time you have a panic attack, say to yourself……”Calm yourself Johnny, the dinosaurs are all gone”…... 

You are well thought of and respected by us lot Johnny.

All the best,

Len 

[Carty 219]

Respect .

[Soulfool 77]

Total and utter respect.....I can relate as my Wife has suffered for 27+ years, she is the bravest person I have ever known, every day is a fight...all the very best.

 

[Skegsoul 171]

Johnny, big respect fella, took a big set of balls to post.

Sending you big hugs mr a hell of a lot of folks on here that know you hold  with you in the highest regard. 

Stay strong young man 

Mick n Mo xx

 

[Steve L 1,899]

Johnny you are a top bloke, nothing I can say will affect your problems but please bear in mind you are highly regarded by everyone I I know who knows you!

stay strong mate, all the best