Soul Police - The Charge Sheet

[soulfulsaint]

Several posters on SS Forum use the term the Soul Police when they refer to those that would pass judgement on others.

But what exactly does the term 'Soul Police' really mean - and who is willing to admit that they pursue constabulatory duties.

I admit I hate those irritating pop records that Russ played at Wigan especially the Sharonettes 'Papa Ooh Mow Mow'.

A mere trainee traffic warden I admit - are their any chief constables out there that want to come clean about what they would ban, caution or arrest?

Who are the soul police?

[Guest andyrattigan]

Several posters on SS Forum use the term the Soul Police when they refer to those that would pass judgement on others.

But what exactly does the term 'Soul Police' really mean - and who is willing to admit that they pursue constabulatory duties.

I admit I hate those irritating pop records that Russ played at Wigan especially the Sharonettes 'Papa Ooh Mow Mow'.

A mere trainee traffic warden I admit - are their any chief constables out there that want to come clean about what they would ban, caution or arrest?

Who are the soul police?

I think everyone has a slight dictatorial streak in them but some more than others.

What brings the constable out in me is idiots that come to Soul venues and start bringing drinks on to the dancefloor. I would like to stand at the door of every venue and hand out a flyer warning would be offenders that they will be kicked out if they committ such an offence! Grumble! Grumble! Rant! Rant!

Other members of the Constabulary work in the Counterfeit division and can be seen lurking around DJ decks to see if all the records are originals. They then come on Soul Source and post about offenders they saw playing bootlegs or even legitimate reissues (I understand the antipathy to bootlegs but not that towards legal re-issues) at venues therefore giving the impression that they are very officious individuals who keep lists of offenders and who never have any fun when they are out.

There are two examples of the Soul Police in action.

Let the bickering begin

[Sean Hampsey]

Thought you'd gone to bed?

[Prophonics 2029]

No no no the soul police only arrest the culprit its then up to the soulful judge to pass sentence for crime as he or she feels fit, forty lashes or burning of all said played bootlegs and life imprisonment for playing Papa Oo Mow Mow.

Edited August 26, 2008 by Prophonics 2029

[Guest rachel]

Andy, you missed out the ABTD (Anti Baggy Trousers Division), who are responsible for ensuring that no trousers of an unsuitably large width, circle skirts, or badges are worn. Even if you sew your badges onto your thermals, they now have the use of the newly developed Pant-Vision XRay Goggles and will catch you out and issue you with the appropriate ticket.

In addition, long serving members of the Counterfeit unit are able to move up to higher ranks once they conform to following standards:

- vinyl should be US original wherever possible.

- UK and European issues are permitted as long as there is no US issue.

- album tracks may only be played if they are album-only.

- album-only tracks must be played from the album, and not cut onto the hideous object known as a 'carver'. Anyone giving the excuse that "they're too awkward to carry" will be immediately shot.

The rules applying to the playing of CD-only releases are a mystery and only known to the most superior of officers.

[Prophonics 2029]

Playing CD's now that really is sick, I think new draconian rules should be brought in for that offence.

Err at a 60ts night modern nights they are so lax anything goes.

Edited August 26, 2008 by Prophonics 2029

[Guest Beeks]

Andy, you missed out the ABTD (Anti Baggy Trousers Division), who are responsible for ensuring that no trousers of an unsuitably large width, circle skirts, or badges are worn. Even if you sew your badges onto your thermals, they now have the use of the newly developed Pant-Vision XRay Goggles and will catch you out and issue you with the appropriate ticket.

In addition, long serving members of the Counterfeit unit are able to move up to higher ranks once they conform to following standards:

- vinyl should be US original wherever possible.

- UK and European issues are permitted as long as there is no US issue.

- album tracks may only be played if they are album-only.

- album-only tracks must be played from the album, and not cut onto the hideous object known as a 'carver'. Anyone giving the excuse that "they're too awkward to carry" will be immediately shot.

The rules applying to the playing of CD-only releases are a mystery and only known to the most superior of officers.

Made me giggle

[Guest andyrattigan]

Playing CD's now that really is sick, I think new draconian rules should be brought in for that offence.

Err at a 60ts night modern nights they are so lax anything goes.

I think even owning a CD is a vile offence that should lead to a person being publicly ridiculed at venues over the microphone.

Even Modern Soul tracks that have only been released on a cd should be burned on to vinyl for playing out or listening to in your own home.

Anything less and the offender should be thrown off a cliff with his or her cd collection with him.

Dont even start me on MP3S.

[Prophonics 2029]

I think even owning a CD is a vile offence that should lead to a person being publicly ridiculed at venues over the microphone.

Even Modern Soul tracks that have only been released on a cd should be burned on to vinyl for playing out or listening to in your own home.

Anything less and the offender should be thrown off a cliff with his or her cd collection with him.

Yeah yeah yeah in their baggy pants tied at the bottom so it wont slow the down on the decent.

Dont even start me on MP3S. or Laptops urrggggyyyaahhhhhhhhh!

[Guest rachel]

Incidentally, weren't the Soul Police merely known as 'elitists' until fairly recently? I wonder if this change in terminology can be linked to any significant events in the soul world, or a conscious decision that 'elitism' implied an element of admiration and a desirability of that status (e.g. as in "elite athletes"), whereas 'Soul Police' indicates more strongly the undercurrent of seriousness and rigidity?

Damn insomnia

[Ian Dewhirst]

Andy, you missed out the ABTD (Anti Baggy Trousers Division), who are responsible for ensuring that no trousers of an unsuitably large width, circle skirts, or badges are worn. Even if you sew your badges onto your thermals, they now have the use of the newly developed Pant-Vision XRay Goggles and will catch you out and issue you with the appropriate ticket.

In addition, long serving members of the Counterfeit unit are able to move up to higher ranks once they conform to following standards:

- vinyl should be US original wherever possible.

- UK and European issues are permitted as long as there is no US issue.

- album tracks may only be played if they are album-only.

- album-only tracks must be played from the album, and not cut onto the hideous object known as a 'carver'. Anyone giving the excuse that "they're too awkward to carry" will be immediately shot.

The rules applying to the playing of CD-only releases are a mystery and only known to the most superior of officers.

It's pointless playing CD's @ Northern venues because the stylus just seems to slip across the CD.......

Ian D

[Guest andyrattigan]

Andy, you missed out the ABTD (Anti Baggy Trousers Division), who are responsible for ensuring that no trousers of an unsuitably large width, circle skirts, or badges are worn. Even if you sew your badges onto your thermals, they now have the use of the newly developed Pant-Vision XRay Goggles and will catch you out and issue you with the appropriate ticket.

In addition, long serving members of the Counterfeit unit are able to move up to higher ranks once they conform to following standards:

- vinyl should be US original wherever possible.

- UK and European issues are permitted as long as there is no US issue.

- album tracks may only be played if they are album-only.

- album-only tracks must be played from the album, and not cut onto the hideous object known as a 'carver'. Anyone giving the excuse that "they're too awkward to carry" will be immediately shot.

The rules applying to the playing of CD-only releases are a mystery and only known to the most superior of officers.

Of course what's the problem with that?

After all the artist and record company didn't actually produce albums for anyone to listen to they only released them to tempt people away from the elusive ownership of the 45 release. Albums are just a cunning rouse by artists and producers who are all secretly format fascists as well. They only released albums to test the true Soul fan. If you have any album that has a 45 release then you are guilty of not being a genuine Soulie. Shame on you!

Any DJ seen playing an album should be barred from DJing by the Soul Police and anyone seen dancing to an album track should be prohibited from dancing for a period of six months to teach them that albums are not meant to be played out or enjoyed if there is a 45 release.

Repeat offenders should be thrown off a cliff with their albums with the people who play cds. We could have a purge of the scene once a year and make an alldayer out of it. Get rid of all the album and cd riff raff.

[Guest andyrattigan]

Incidentally, weren't the Soul Police merely known as 'elitists' until fairly recently? I wonder if this change in terminology can be linked to any significant events in the soul world, or a conscious decision that 'elitism' implied an element of admiration and a desirability of that status (e.g. as in "elite athletes"), whereas 'Soul Police' indicates more strongly the undercurrent of seriousness and rigidity?

Damn insomnia

Maybe people have just lightened up a little. A good thing. There are far more pressing issues in the world.

Personally, I think DJs who have original records should be given preference over someone with a load of reissues, and bootlegs should never be played out or even bought.

I wouldnt even try and DJ at a Rare Soul night with re-issues or cds as I wouldnt want to incur the wrath of the Soul Squad.I might mock the vinyl etiquette but I understand it to a degree but I dont fully agree with it.

Personally as long as its a legal pressing original or reissue Ive no problem with it being played out. Im too busy dancing or listening to the record to give a toss.

A lot of the original only etiquette has lot more to do with egos than the enjoyment of music as far as I can see.

I now await the usual strong rebuking for holding this position that I have encountered in the past.

Edited August 27, 2008 by andyrattigan

[Guest rachel]

After some intensive research (otherwise known as the 'search' function), I have discovered that the earliest mentions of the Soul Police on this very site date back to late 2004. However, these early statements refer to quite specific branches of the Soul Police, namely the "Originals Police", the "Crossover Police" (responsible for the strict definition of the Crossover genre) and the "Black-or-Nothing Police" , a small task force formed to combat the rise of 'Blue Eyed Soul' or 'The White Pop Stomper.'

The term "Soul Police" referring to a defined and coherent organisation appears to have passed into wider parlance around November 2004, frequently being used in anger by a certain Mr P Smith, record dealer.

[Guest andyrattigan]

Thought you'd gone to bed?

Its much more fun on here.

[Drew3]

and anyone seen dancing to an album track should be prohibited from dancing for a period of six months to teach them that albums are not meant to be played out or enjoyed if there is a 45 release.

Repeat offenders should be thrown off a cliff with their albums with the people who play cds. We could have a purge of the scene once a year and make an alldayer out of it. Get rid of all the album and cd riff raff.

It's a fair (soul police) cop!

Will I make bail if I admit to some of these crimes your Honour!!!!

KTF.

Drew.

Edited August 27, 2008 by Drew3

[Guest andyrattigan]

After some intensive research (otherwise known as the 'search' function), I have discovered that the earliest mentions of the Soul Police on this very site date back to late 2004. However, these early statements refer to quite specific branches of the Soul Police, namely the "Originals Police", the "Crossover Police" (responsible for the strict definition of the Crossover genre) and the "Black-or-Nothing Police" , a small task force formed to combat the rise of 'Blue Eyed Soul' or 'The White Pop Stomper.'

The term "Soul Police" referring to a defined and coherent organisation appears to have passed into wider parlance around November 2004, frequently being used in anger by a certain Mr P Smith, record dealer.

Im impressed by your etymological skills.

[Roddy]

i work for the scottish division of the S.P we are currently search for a fifty something Saint Johnstone fan last seen writing spurious posts on soul source. he is wanted in three states and there is a reward for his capture (not a large reward).

Stuart look over your shoulder the soul police are always watching !!!!!!!!

[SteveM]

Who are the soul police?

A transient group of goodly souls, can be anyone at any time, who are castigated by people who like to force their own views on others, and who object when its suggested that they may not actually be in charge.

i.e. scapegoats.

Edited August 27, 2008 by SteveM

[TOAD]

more of these should be handed out!

[Prophonics 2029]

I think Toad it should be tattooed on the offenders arse.

[Guest Beeks]

Perhaps you should go one step further and Execute anyone who has not been to Wigan Casino and confesses to loving Soul Music...not so much Soul Police as....

'THE SOUL INQUISITION'

Nobody expects the soul inquisition...our chief aim is surprise and fear...our two aims are...

Cardinal Fang...bring forth the 12 inch single...

THE 12 INCH SINGLE!

Edited August 27, 2008 by Beeks

[Chalky]

more of these should be handed out!

Good to see this getting some use since I posted it

Here's another for someone who's chewed your ear for two hours after taking too much sherbert and you just can't get away

[Guest]

I'm sure I've broken the law at least once your honour!

[Jumpinjoan]

Good to see this getting some use since I posted it

Here's another for someone who's chewed your ear for two hours after taking too much sherbert and you just can't get away

Situations like this you mean?

Sorry chalks - thought better of it!

Edited August 27, 2008 by jumpinjoan

[Jumpinjoan]

Never mind!

Edited August 27, 2008 by jumpinjoan

[Guest]

Incidentally, weren't the Soul Police merely known as 'elitists' until fairly recently? I wonder if this change in terminology can be linked to any significant events in the soul world, or a conscious decision that 'elitism' implied an element of admiration and a desirability of that status (e.g. as in "elite athletes"), whereas 'Soul Police' indicates more strongly the undercurrent of seriousness and rigidity?

Damn insomnia

i would like to think i coined this phrase 'soul police' on northernsoul.com several years ago when the discussion was that, you cant play this and you cant play that (orig vinyl only to be played), but it was 'agreed' that you could play carvers if you had the original. i ranted about them being bloody hypocrites - and they became even more hypocritical.

unless anyone has an earlier documented recording of the phrase......

i do have several hundred orig vinyl that i have collected over the past 30 odd years but i like to talk about the boots/carvers i have, (and even put pics of them up), because i know it infuriates the anal-retentive (anal-retentive = soul police)

[SteveM]

but it was 'agreed' that you could play carvers if you had the original.

Carvers ? Agreed ? Never! They weren't the Soul Police. Maybe Soul Community Support Officers, but not Soul Police.

Edited August 27, 2008 by SteveM

[Epic]

Carvers ? Agreed ? Never! They weren't the Soul Police. Maybe Soul Community Support Officers, but not Soul Police.

Carvers are "The Devil's Work" - the poor misguided creatures who use them should not be punished though - help is what they need -because until they come out from under their intoxicating spell they will never truly see the error of their ways.

Why is the theme song from The Exorcist spinning round my head whilst I have been typing this ?

[Guest]

Carvers ? Agreed ? Never! They weren't the Soul Police. Maybe Soul Community Support Officers, but not Soul Police.

I swear to God! honest govener!

have a look on said site. the thread was something about acatates and a well know DJ actually contradites himself throughout saying that only orig vinyl should be allowed to be played out. five minutes later he is making the hypocritical statements that it was 'agreed' they could play carvers/boots so long as they had orig in box (this helped preserve the orig!!!! )

i was signed in as wiganjoker (and as a few guests) just to wind the situation up. he was going off his head each time his hypocrosy was pointed out.

all bloody hypocritical and elitism in my opinion as boots/carvers have been around since the scene began.

IMHO the soul police are born from those afraid that others will do better spots than them and their egos will be dented

I played at one gig where i played all orig vinyl (and one re-issue) and tried to give the crowd something different from the same old top 500. have a guess which record had the floor PACKED

I have also seen another thread on here where a well known venue that you would think the soul police would be out in full force (including helicopters) and an extremely well known DJ is photographed playing CD's

bloody SOUL POLICE amount to nothing more than elitise egotistical anal-retentives

there now, thats made me a few friends on here

[Simsy]

Who are the soul police?

And who first coined the phrase?

[Guest Mrs Simsy]

Carvers ? Agreed ? Never! They weren't the Soul Police. Maybe Soul Community Support Officers, but not Soul Police.

PMSL @ Soul Community Support Officers!

[Mike]

I swear to God! honest govener!

have a look on said site. the thread was something about acatates and a well know DJ actually contradites himself throughout saying that only orig vinyl should be allowed to be played out. five minutes later he is making the hypocritical statements that it was 'agreed' they could play carvers/boots so long as they had orig in box (this helped preserve the orig!!!! )

i was signed in as wiganjoker (and as a few guests) just to wind the situation up. he was going off his head each time his hypocrosy was pointed out.

all bloody hypocritical and elitism in my opinion as boots/carvers have been around since the scene began.

IMHO the soul police are born from those afraid that others will do better spots than them and their egos will be dented

I played at one gig where i played all orig vinyl (and one re-issue) and tried to give the crowd something different from the same old top 500. have a guess which record had the floor PACKED

I have also seen another thread on here where a well known venue that you would think the soul police would be out in full force (including helicopters) and an extremely well known DJ is photographed playing CD's

bloody SOUL POLICE amount to nothing more than elitise egotistical anal-retentives

there now, thats made me a few friends on here

errrr..

aint the soul police thing supposed to be a bit of a laugh

seems to me you are taking it just a bit too serious

[Guest]

And who first coined the phrase?

......and during that thread i called them 'soul police'. i had never seen or heard the phrase used before then - so i would like to claim coining the phrase unless anyone has an earlier recording of it

[Guest]

errrr..

aint the soul police thing supposed to be a bit of a laugh

seems to me you are taking it just a bit too serious

too bloody right Mike...I want a badge made in my honour

[macca]

I would disagree Mike. The presence of boots/carvers/acetates on the scene since day 1 is no justification for their abhorrent existence. It's like cross-dressing, in the privacy of your living room only please. I nearly bought Don Gardner on Grapevine recently & ended up, like Cranmer, burning the finger that almost clicked 'buy now'/'add to shopping basket'.

[Mike]

too bloody right Mike...I want a badge made in my honour

lost now

a badge for what

playing boots?

[Guest]

I would disagree Mike. The presence of boots/carvers/acetates on the scene since day 1 is no justification for their abhorrent existence. It's like cross-dressing, in the privacy of your living room only please. I nearly bought Don Gardner on Grapevine recently & ended up, like Cranmer, burning the finger that almost clicked 'buy now'/'add to shopping basket'.

yours truly

p.s. it was a netball match where all the guys dressed up for fun

Edited August 27, 2008 by mikecook

[Davetay]

Carvers are "The Devil's Work" - the poor misguided creatures who use them should not be punished though - help is what they need -because until they come out from under their intoxicating spell they will never truly see the error of their ways.

Why is the theme song from The Exorcist spinning round my head whilst I have been typing this ?

THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT

[Guest Beeks]

......and during that thread i called them 'soul police'. i had never seen or heard the phrase used before then - so i would like to claim coining the phrase unless anyone has an earlier recording of it

Soul Police...Fashion Police...it's been around for years

It really is funny though some of the Soul Police on here will be looking at this thread and say to themselves..."That's me that is" actually proud of the fact.

But hey what do I know...as one of the Police pointed out to me...it's an ingrained inferiority complex I have

[Richard Bayley]

Why is the theme song from The Exorcist spinning round my head whilst I have been typing this ?

Crikey, have they booted Mike Oldfield now?

[Mike]

Soul Police...Fashion Police...it's been around for years

It really is funny though some of the Soul Police on here will be looking at this thread and say to themselves..."That's me that is" actually proud of the fact.

But hey what do I know...as one of the Police pointed out to me...it's an ingrained inferiority complex I have

but there again some could argue that the laugh is on those who don't get the humour side of it and treat it as some sort of "real" serious thing

[Guest]

but there again some could argue that the laugh is on those who don't get the humour side of it and treat it as some sort of "real" serious thing

you could also argue that the laugh is on those that are called 'soul police' for their dogmatic attitude that what they say should be taken as law and their opinions are the only ones that count

in the signiture below is a good book that descibes the 'soul police' in action - all about telling others what they should and shouldn't do, and all the time others are having fun by not listening to the dogmatic 'rules'

[Guest]

I see the funny side of everything i couldnt be in "The soul police" i'd let everyone off if they had a good sob story

[Simsy]

......and during that thread i called them 'soul police'. i had never seen or heard the phrase used before then - so i would like to claim coining the phrase unless anyone has an earlier recording of it

Well I remember laughingly and somewhat tongue in cheekly making reference to such (SP) about 3 years ago, but hey ...

You can call me Detective Inspector Ian Godin ..

[macca]

Whoever doubted that it wasn't the law? As far as original vinyl vs boots/reissues is concerned, there's no debate. Those that break or flout that law should be mercilessly and relentlessly persecuted, wherever they may be. Minor infringements can be dealth with on an ad-hoc basis, providing they are reported of course. I'm deadly serious and, by and large, I have fun when I attend Soul events, honest.

[Guest]

Whoever doubted that it wasn't the law? As far as original vinyl vs boots/reissues is concerned, there's no debate. Those that break or flout that law should be mercilessly and relentlessly persecuted, wherever they may be. Minor infringements can be dealth with on an ad-hoc basis, providing they are reported of course. I'm deadly serious and, by and large, I have fun when I attend Soul events, honest.

quote "errrr..

aint the soul police thing supposed to be a bit of a laugh

seems to me you are taking it just a bit too serious" unquote

[Guest Beeks]

but there again some could argue that the laugh is on those who don't get the humour side of it and treat it as some sort of "real" serious thing

On the contrary Mike...I think the Soul Police take their role very seriously indeed...fortunately noone else does

[macca]

Try playing the Mello Souls on a carver at one of my events, pal. (I don't have any)...

[Guest]

Try playing the Mello Souls on a carver at one of my events, pal. (I don't have any)...

quote from Brian Ellis on Soul Source March 10th 2005

Next up

1. Can it be played in your front room?

2. Can it be played at a local soul event?

3. Can it be played at a weekender?

4. Can it be played at a nighter?

5. Royalties

6. Artist being shafted by dealers

7. Up front DJs

8. Wannabe DJs

9. Don't care what medium it's on

10. How long have you been on the scene then?

11. OVO

12. Soul Police

13. Ballox

14. Sh*te

15. You're a c**t

16. I'll kick your f*****g head in

Soul Source - the place for rational adult debate about the music we love.

unquote

p.s. loved your post Beeks

Edited August 27, 2008 by mikecook