With the cricket about to start, here's my exclusive preview of the northern soul team picked to take on the Aussies...additions and replacements welcome. Selection is not a precise science.
1. Little Carl Carlton. The world's best batsmen have all been small (Bradman, Lara, Tendulkar) and Little Carl would be very quick on his feet. Also able to deal with any Aussie sledging with a dismissive 'So what?'
2. Little Hank. He's not called Mr Bang Bang Man for nothing; would get the innings off to a flying start.
3. Big Daddy Rogers. Enter the heavy artillery. Controversial choice, as some feel the game has moved on from his day. But he takes no prisoners and will look to get after McGrath and Gillespie. Formidable sight crouched at short leg too, and a top sledger in his own right...will have Ricky Poncing quaking with muttered comments about 'wood sheds' and 'planks of wood'.
4. George Freeman. A bit dour, George, with perhaps even a hint of the Tavares (not those Tavares) about him. But he will be able to solidify the innings if Little Hank and Big Daddy Rogers succumb early to their attacking instincts.
5. Ray Pollard (captain). A dashing strokemaker when the situation requires it, Ray can also block if the heat comes on. Early concerns that he can drift out of games seem to have been dispelled. This time, the Aussies may taste defeat.
6. Rose Batiste. Picked as a specialist batswoman because of her phenomenal strike rate. Basically, she just hits and runs and that's what modern international cricket is all about. Not allowed to play at Lord's.
7. Bobby Bland. Wicket-keeper batsman - a genuinely great all-rounder with experience in lots of different conditions. Been having a few problems with his footwear of late but seems to have settled down with a nice pair of Asics GEL 100s. Some worries over size of his hands.
8. Smokey Robinson. Sheer reliability - the metronomic class of a Hadlee, Marshall or Lillee. Always happy to try something new, will even shop around for wickets if required. Slight worries over emotional vulnerability; when Poncing and crew start sledging, watch his feet....if he starts dancing, everything's A-OK.
9. Curtis Mayfield. Made a big impression on his debut with his famous 'you've been cheating' ball-tampering accusations aimed at one of the Pakistanis (or probably all of them). Bewitching ability to turn the ball both ways and can inject Underwood-style pace if required. Ultimate team man: wherever Pollard leads him, he will follow.
10. The Jades. First bowlers to consistently break the 100mph mark, they will tuck Brett Lee up in bed and give him a nice cup of cocoa before crossing the whitewash to terrorise Poncing and his mates with lifters, toe-crushers and just-back-of-a-lengthers.
11. The Deadbeats. Roaring in from the pavilion end at express pace, these genuine quicks are raw and a little wild but if it all clicks a batsman has no second chance. They'll rip the Aussies to pieces.
12th man: Garland Green. Comes into his own in the wet.
There were some tough selectorial decisions but they had to be made because there is no room for defeatism against the Aussies. Eddie Holman can surrender his wicket at times and Roy Hamilton is too prone to panicking when the heat is on (as are Reparata and the Delrons). Ronnie Milsap was just a total disaster on his last Ashes tour.
Prediction: 3-1 series win to the Soulers, with Headingley, Leeds and Trent Bridge almost like home turf to them and likely to witness the humbling of the Australians. Poncing's men to win at Birmingham, never a hotbed of soul support, and Lord's to see a draw in front of a crowd full of ageing mods, expat northerners and wannabe-trendies.
With the cricket about to start, here's my exclusive preview of the northern soul team picked to take on the Aussies...additions and replacements welcome. Selection is not a precise science.
1. Little Carl Carlton. The world's best batsmen have all been small (Bradman, Lara, Tendulkar) and Little Carl would be very quick on his feet. Also able to deal with any Aussie sledging with a dismissive 'So what?'
2. Little Hank. He's not called Mr Bang Bang Man for nothing; would get the innings off to a flying start.
3. Big Daddy Rogers. Enter the heavy artillery. Controversial choice, as some feel the game has moved on from his day. But he takes no prisoners and will look to get after McGrath and Gillespie. Formidable sight crouched at short leg too, and a top sledger in his own right...will have Ricky Poncing quaking with muttered comments about 'wood sheds' and 'planks of wood'.
4. George Freeman. A bit dour, George, with perhaps even a hint of the Tavares (not those Tavares) about him. But he will be able to solidify the innings if Little Hank and Big Daddy Rogers succumb early to their attacking instincts.
5. Ray Pollard (captain). A dashing strokemaker when the situation requires it, Ray can also block if the heat comes on. Early concerns that he can drift out of games seem to have been dispelled. This time, the Aussies may taste defeat.
6. Rose Batiste. Picked as a specialist batswoman because of her phenomenal strike rate. Basically, she just hits and runs and that's what modern international cricket is all about. Not allowed to play at Lord's.
7. Bobby Bland. Wicket-keeper batsman - a genuinely great all-rounder with experience in lots of different conditions. Been having a few problems with his footwear of late but seems to have settled down with a nice pair of Asics GEL 100s. Some worries over size of his hands.
8. Smokey Robinson. Sheer reliability - the metronomic class of a Hadlee, Marshall or Lillee. Always happy to try something new, will even shop around for wickets if required. Slight worries over emotional vulnerability; when Poncing and crew start sledging, watch his feet....if he starts dancing, everything's A-OK.
9. Curtis Mayfield. Made a big impression on his debut with his famous 'you've been cheating' ball-tampering accusations aimed at one of the Pakistanis (or probably all of them). Bewitching ability to turn the ball both ways and can inject Underwood-style pace if required. Ultimate team man: wherever Pollard leads him, he will follow.
10. The Jades. First bowlers to consistently break the 100mph mark, they will tuck Brett Lee up in bed and give him a nice cup of cocoa before crossing the whitewash to terrorise Poncing and his mates with lifters, toe-crushers and just-back-of-a-lengthers.
11. The Deadbeats. Roaring in from the pavilion end at express pace, these genuine quicks are raw and a little wild but if it all clicks a batsman has no second chance. They'll rip the Aussies to pieces.
12th man: Garland Green. Comes into his own in the wet.
There were some tough selectorial decisions but they had to be made because there is no room for defeatism against the Aussies. Eddie Holman can surrender his wicket at times and Roy Hamilton is too prone to panicking when the heat is on (as are Reparata and the Delrons). Ronnie Milsap was just a total disaster on his last Ashes tour.
Prediction: 3-1 series win to the Soulers, with Headingley, Leeds and Trent Bridge almost like home turf to them and likely to witness the humbling of the Australians. Poncing's men to win at Birmingham, never a hotbed of soul support, and Lord's to see a draw in front of a crowd full of ageing mods, expat northerners and wannabe-trendies.