Theresa

There are quite a few free and cheap nights out - check the events listings. Also, if you're registered on Soul Source and your birthday falls on the Sat or Sun of the Rugby Niter, you get in for free!

I'm 41, and Justin's 36, but he's had a hard life . My first niter (apart from scooter rallies) was the 100 Club. I've still got my old membership card and judging by the completely fictitious date of birth on it I obviously pretended I was 3 years older, so I must have been 15 and it would have been 1982. There are loads of us my age who came out of the mod revival and scooter scene, but I've always felt pretty young at most niters. It's quite comforting really. Mind you I always feel about 93 when I go to places like Southport.

To chase tasty birds in their 30s and 40s... or accompany their own lovely wives of course. And long may they continue.

I checked the iPod and the only Petes we've got are the Peter Moore Orchestra and Peter Cooke & Dudley Moore Daniel Dombrowe in Germany was just saying to me the other day that he's trying to think of names for his new baby boy who's due next week, and he really wanted Marvin, but that's apparently really popular with East German chavs over there...

Luppers & Joel ARE the new Smashie & Nicey on the northern scene. Joel's even got the shiny tracksuit tops already.

There have been some artistic crackers lately, but for pure memorable humour I think the fish have it this year. Overall though Andy of VSC is the paper flyer genius imo. His phonebox flyer for the Cardiff niter from a couple of years ago has got to be the best of all time - creative, colourful, and very very funny. My flyer wall at home is mostly papered with his stuff, including his classic 'bag of atmosphere'. We bow to the master No pressure obviously mate, ha ha. I'd love to see a book of the best & most memorable over the years. Has it ever been done? T

Was chatting to some nice lads the other night at Keele, Jamie who lives in Southampton and his brother Andy who lives in Newquay hi lads. Andy does the driving and collects Jamie on the way. They do the 100 Club every month and often further afield. Deserve a freaking medal if you ask me. Furthest I ever drove for one night only was Shotts in Scotland from South London in a Ford Fiesta Popular Plus 1.1...

Think you need a decent full-length niter plus three hours of saucy Sunday morning speedsex when you get home. Give that Kev Moore a ring, I've heard he's good.

Spat my cereal out and inhaled some up my nose by mistake laughing at those Registrars - 'What's Your Name?' Patrick Moore - 'Another Star' Gigolos - 'One-Nighter' Parole Officers - 'Please Give Me One More Chance' Paedophiles - 'Touching In The Dark' Sat Nav Manufacturers - 'Got To Find A Way To Find You' Jesters - 'Don't Wanna Be A Fool' Turnip Farmers - 'Hard Row To Hoe' (One-eyed Pete from Lincoln really was a turnip picker - where's he these days? Top spinner) Big Issue Sellers - 'Begging You' Olympic Athletes - 'Running Back & Forth' Private Detectives - 'Is She In Your Town?' Buddhists & Hindus - 'You Only Live Twice' Comedians - 'Go On And Laugh' Mountain Rescue Squads - 'Hold On Help Is On The Way' Executioners - 'Nothing Can Help You Now' Therapists - 'Are You Angry?' Weather Forecasters - 'Date With The Rain' or 'Stormy' Bank Account Tracers - 'You Don't Know Where Your Interest Lies' Station Announcers - 'Come On Train' Prostitutes - 'She Blew A Good Thing' Witches - 'Dust My Broom' Paediatricians - 'What's Wrong With Me Baby?' Amnesiacs - 'What Happened To Yesterday?' Exhibitionists - 'Look At Me Now' Statisticians - 'Nine Times Out Of Ten' Lottery Sellers - 'Not A Chance In A Million' Casting Agents - 'The Way You've Been Acting Lately' Muggers - 'Hand It Over' Not forgetting that other anthem for paranoiacs 'They're Talking About Me'

Brother Jack McDuff - 'Gonna Hang Me Up A Sign' if you like a bit of funky Hammond...

Sadly that made both me and Justin laugh. Apart from being international super housewife and sometime HR director, I have to do all his decorating quotations and invoicing... Blimey, every bugger's a decorator on here. 'I could paint a picture' R B Hudmon?

Ooh, you're easy Chris, ooer matron! 'Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours' Or for this time of year, maybe 'The Cold Letter' by the Soul Shakers, ha ha.

Hypnotherapists? You're going to wake up wiser baby...

Fraud Squad? Just Can't Trust Nobody

One for our sailor boy Russ Vickers - 'Smooth Sailing' The Temptations?

But are you happy that way or looking for Something New To Do? Debbie Ward in Eastbourne is a travel agent - 'Booking Up Baby', Topics? Any estate agents - 'House For Sale'? or jewellers 'The Gold Of My Life'?

There's the very Reverend Martin Adams from Wareham in Dorset of course. Alright Marty?

Colin Anscomb's an accident lawyer so he said he'll have 'Hit and Run' Perkin puts the in-flight entertainment films onto the planes at Heathrow. Any ideas? What about you Mr Rimmer - A House Is Not A Home?

While we were travelling to a niter recently in the Price family bus, we started dreaming up theme tunes to match our occupations, triggered by 'Wash and wear love' for Freckles as he has a dry cleaning business . I work in HR so got 'Job opening', Justin's a painter so he got 'Paint yourself in the corner', chef Tommy Hall got 'Double cookin', Lucy in the NBC newsroom got 'Headline news', Julia who works for a young person's charity got Marvin's 'Save the children'. We were a bit stuck for Angela who's an expatriate tax specialist, but I'm sure someone can come up with something... So, give us a giggle and let's hear yours.

There are definitely regional variations on the clapping. Me & Angela went down to Newquay earlier this year and it was a completely different ball game. We clapped at the usual intervals and the piano stopped and everyone turned round to look at us . I'll never forget Taff from Newton Aycliffe had a broken thumb all strapped up one month at Keele, but couldn't stop himself from clapping throughout, so all you could hear was 'clap ouch! clap ouch! clap ouch!'

So true, Sean Chapman and also Warren Boogaloo are a joy to watch as they're just so into it. There are also a couple of DJs who shall remain nameless that I rather fancy and I'd happily pay to watch them stand there with their arms folded not even putting any records on. But then I think I've probably spent too long indoors with three under-fives...