Now that we are officially the lowest form of life on the musical planet, and will sell our arse for a couple of shredded-wheat or a pair of ruby slippers, I thought we should brainstorm some ideas to see what other opportunities we could come up with to help the "creative" folk exploit us a bit more.

 

Here's just a few of my ideas, feel free to chip-in with your money makers folks

 

TOP-GEAR - Contestants are given unmarked capsules and taken to a dark dancehall. Points are awarded for who can dance longest, who can guess the real time and bonus points for identifying the drug in the capsule.

 

THE NORTHERN VOICE - Contestants have to listen to music from the top 500 and guess if it is performed by American artists or British wannabee's.

 

STRICTLY COME NORTHERN - Z-list celebrities are tutored in the ancient art of N.Soul dancing by lads and lasses that can "still move a bit".

 

SCRAPHEAP CHALLENGE - Contestants are given £50 to spend on e-bay on records and clothes. Records are then auctioned by Manship. Winner is the one with the baggiest baggies and the most money left.

 

quality...............

Upstairs , downstairs. Northern Soul or modern soul

Steve

Northern soul big brother,  pick 6 from an oldies nighter and 6 from a upfront soul nighter to go into a house for 4 weeks and let them talk records, labels, clothes, OVO, bootlegs, soul nights or nighters. 

northern circus  the widest trouser  contest   best vest  ect  sorry that's blackpool tower

ALL OUR NORTHERN YESTERDAYS - Long running series re-living historic battles in the N.Soul war. Featuring reminiscences from the people who were acually there. Repeats.

NORTHERN SOUL BIG BUILD

 

RUSS AND A TEAM OF BAGGIED TROUSERED BUILDERS HAVE 9 DAYS TO BUILD AND DECORATE A REPLICA  OF THE CASINO  

TOWIW The only way is Wigan .

Bunch of Shredded Wheat munching baggies boring the arse out of everyone whilst they relive their youth .

Would I Lie To You - Each week people give an almost convincing account of a venue they never attended.

The Talcum Factor

Four "Soulies" are given a some Johnsons baby powder,And have to spread as much as they can on the dance floor,Before leaving the floor without actually dancing.

The Real Housewives Of Upnorth

 

A series documenting the unconventional lives of a group of middle class women in the picturesque counties of Northern England - and of course they are all married to soulies!

They are constantly followed around by the cameras and each week we get to see the highlights of the previous week - like when they were all down at the Ktfagogo club dancing round their handbags to "Just Loving You" with their hands waving in the air as if they are at a particularly boisterous gospel meeting - and when they stagger up to the DJ and tell him to "knock that crap s**t off and put some proper northern soul on"

I also like the bits where they are talking about how their husbands went to Wigan Casino every week until it closed (I wonder how many of them were really into Bay City Rollers for a while) 

The show really livens up when the lads are shown regaling the girls with what new sounds they have bought and how much of a bargain it was and how it is really worth a lot more.

Of course our heroines are not as affluent as their North American counterparts but they know deep down, that when their hubby's finally depart to the great all nighter in the sky and they sell all those records worth £000's then they too will be able to live the lives of The Real Housewives Of Orange County

Generation game....

 

Old blokes who go up to cool young djs and tell them " that tune was hammered at the wheel in 69 "

Police,Camera,Action - Nothern Soul Style.!!

 

Watch as the hapless trio go around a roundabout 12 times, on the way to an allnighter.

On the way home try and guess how long they will sit at the broken traffic lights,and still get lost - you've guessed it,at the roundabout. 

 

You're obviously talking about us…….

I keep waiting for someone to take a box of 45's onto an Antiques Roadshow. It will happen one day for sure.

Do You Know Who I Am.?

 

Variation on a theme,contestants have to convince a panel of guests that they are "somebody".

Already pastiches out there. In Rockos Modern Soul Life, the hero wears a Hawaiian shirt!

Now that we are officially the lowest form of life on the musical planet, and will sell our arse for a couple of shredded-wheat or a pair of ruby slippers, I thought we should brainstorm some ideas to see what other opportunities we could come up with to help the "creative" folk exploit us a bit more.

 

Here's just a few of my ideas, feel free to chip-in with your money makers folks

 

TOP-GEAR - Contestants are given unmarked capsules and taken to a dark dancehall. Points are awarded for who can dance longest, who can guess the real time and bonus points for identifying the drug in the capsule.

 

THE NORTHERN VOICE - Contestants have to listen to music from the top 500 and guess if it is performed by American artists or British wannabee's.

 

STRICTLY COME NORTHERN - Z-list celebrities are tutored in the ancient art of N.Soul dancing by lads and lasses that can "still move a bit".

 

SCRAPHEAP CHALLENGE - Contestants are given £50 to spend on e-bay on records and clothes. Records are then auctioned by Manship. Winner is the one with the baggiest baggies and the most money left.

 

This thread is terrible!!!!!!!

But I might just have to get out the needle and thread and sow my sides back together as they keep splitting with laughter at the ingenuity of some of the members offerings on the subject.

ROY

‘Northern Ireland’

 

A new reality programme where different tribes compete for survival - The Oldies Tribe, The Newies Tribe, The Modern Tribe, and The R’n’B Tribe.

 

Ends in one big mad fight!

 

Len  

A contest where big baggy worn at half masters of none,are judged as to who has the shapeliest shins.contestents would have to roll down their white socks as far as they could get them  on top of their polyvelts.As Frrank Wilson and the Snake continously alternate  at ear drum shattering level from the speakers the contestents would line up in a row and Mr Herbert would slowly make his way along the line closely inspecting each set of shins, because after all"He knows what boys want! eventualy picking a winner.The prize would be the latest edition of Manships price guide and a sit down meal for two with Mr Peter Griffin and Biggy Chicken in a five star eatery.

This is for the 2/3rds who go to do's to sit all night and watch. A little hi-tech device that sits on the table next to the talc, towel and water. The little device casts a 3D hologram of a top notch mover onto the dance floor. The hologram can be customised with the face of the said Voyeur and at the twist of a knob the clothing can be changed from bags and vest to pegs and sandals, so you can dance for hours on end without breaking a sweat, bumping into the nearest lady dancer or walking off in disgust when a sound you don't know is played.

 

Personally I have nothing against folk who sit and watch. Just a bit of fun 

Now that we are officially the lowest form of life on the musical planet, and will sell our arse for a couple of shredded-wheat or a pair of ruby slippers, I thought we should brainstorm some ideas to see what other opportunities we could come up with to help the "creative" folk exploit us a bit more.

 

Here's just a few of my ideas, feel free to chip-in with your money makers folks

 

TOP-GEAR - Contestants are given unmarked capsules and taken to a dark dancehall. Points are awarded for who can dance longest, who can guess the real time and bonus points for identifying the drug in the capsule.

 

THE NORTHERN VOICE - Contestants have to listen to music from the top 500 and guess if it is performed by American artists or British wannabee's.

 

STRICTLY COME NORTHERN - Z-list celebrities are tutored in the ancient art of N.Soul dancing by lads and lasses that can "still move a bit".

 

SCRAPHEAP CHALLENGE - Contestants are given £50 to spend on e-bay on records and clothes. Records are then auctioned by Manship. Winner is the one with the baggiest baggies and the most money left.

 

I could go for watching some of that,looks promising as far as entertainment goes.Scrapheap challenge looks like a particulary promising concept.You would have to ban Buster Bloodvessel of soul source infamy for his blackpool promenade pounding in his massive  converted into giant baggies to go with his his huge frame,hot air ballons, it would be unfair on the other baggy beasties as he would win baggy pants  down every time for nothing can be anywhere  near as big as busters baggies except Busters belly.As for having any money left "When the sh.te begins to turn Busters  baggies around ,you know he;s going to lose more than he found!".even  this disadvantage of losing more money than he started with  could not offset the unfairness other competitors  confronted by  Busters gargantuam girth and the subsequent requirement for massive  baggies it entails would face. No mere fatty s half masted blowing in the winds baggy strides could ever come close to defeating in open contest the sheer size of the   pants of the promenade pounding Blackpool seafront behemouth,pants so huge that worn as they are at regulation half mast they cause visual perceptual distotion in the eyes of the  viewer, the two legs legs seem to merge into one seamless mountain reambling a humungous great maxi skirt,Buster we salute your breeks(maxi skirt0

Edited March 18, 201510 yr by manusf3a

One Man and His Dog...

 

I'll say no more than DJ, wife, sheep and dance floor.

 

Dx

Countdown. 24 hr live TV of sad punters trying to grab a copy of the Salvadors for $50 as the EBAY clock ticks down ... 5 seconds...4 seconds ... 3 seconds BID BID BID

I keep waiting for someone to take a box of 45's onto an Antiques Roadshow. It will happen one day for sure.

 

I've seen that happen, they did a special "Junior" version and this girl aged about 14 took in a complete run of UK Tamla Motown EP's she'd got out of a charity shop.  She had lp's as well.  Straight up, was about 10 or 12 years ago.  Windsor area I think.

30 minute makeover..........

 

A team of record restoring experts attempt to make sense of a Soulie's filing system in his record room, said Soulie is packed off to some godforsaken seaside town for the weekend whilst the team get down to work.

 

After all records are cleaned and put in paper covers then colour cardboards name of artist A and B sides label info and year are stencilled on the covers and then a major row breaks out as to what method of filling.....should it be Artist A-Z or Record label A-Z maybe? who knows and who cares.

 

Soulie is the filmed arriving back home by friends and family and the team whilst crying like a baby, hugging everyone in sight, he is led blindfold back to the record room and hey presto he can find all his boots and pressings as if by magic!

 

Men and Motors have expressed and interset!

30 minute makeover..........

 

A team of record restoring experts attempt to make sense of a Soulie's filing system in his record room, said Soulie is packed off to some godforsaken seaside town for the weekend whilst the team get down to work.

 

After all records are cleaned and put in paper covers then colour cardboards name of artist A and B sides label info and year are stencilled on the covers and then a major row breaks out as to what method of filling.....should it be Artist A-Z or Record label A-Z maybe? who knows and who cares.

 

Soulie is the filmed arriving back home by friends and family and the team whilst crying like a baby, hugging everyone in sight, he is led blindfold back to the record room and hey presto he can find all his boots and pressings as if by magic!

 

Men and Motors have expressed and interset!

 

Even more entertaining, the well meaning makeover team get rid of all the old vinyl and replace them with re-issues, or even better, CDs, thus freeing up more house room.

Storage Hunters

Reality show where a group of oddball characters in vests and baggy trousers travel the country bidding on old soul collector's Storage bins.. 

What about a Coronation Street storyline. Middle aged guy gets tickets for local Northern Soul/Motown night for him and latest girlfriend. Northern Soul T shirt on and all ready to go. Girlfriend cries off so he invites his business partner/mate along instead (He suffering from clinical depression). Business partner/mate agrees to go but at the last minute he cries off too.

 

Oh sorry - that was last night's episode.

What about a Coronation Street storyline. Middle aged guy gets tickets for local Northern Soul/Motown night for him and latest girlfriend. Northern Soul T shirt on and all ready to go. Girlfriend cries off so he invites his business partner/mate along instead (He suffering from clinical depression). Business partner/mate agrees to go but at the last minute he cries off too.

 

Oh sorry - that was last night's episode.

 

Thanks for reminding me why I don't watch Corrie anymore.

Thanks for reminding me why I don't watch Corrie anymore.

 

It was a bit of a cliffhanger Steve to be honest. Having been deffed out twice we're not actually sure if Lloyd (Craig Charles) actually went on his ownsome. Or even if Steve might stll overcome his depressive feelings and dash off to join him after all. 

 

Bet you watch the next episode now.

It was a bit of a cliffhanger Steve to be honest. Having been deffed out twice we're not actually sure if Lloyd (Craig Charles) actually went on his ownsome. Or even if Steve might stll overcome his depressive feelings and dash off to join him after all. 

 

Bet you watch the next episode now.

 

Wild horses wouldn't stop me.

few more....

 

'Twisted Wheeler Dealers'

2 Essex wide boys hunt piss-poor condition rarities.   With water colouring pencils and solvent cleaning tips, labels are touched up 'like new' and the vinyl gleaming' before sold VG++ for obscene profit.

 

'Kick-Ass Kung Fu Soulies'

Some Shaolin Kung Fu monks are taken to Yorkshire/ Lancashire to experience the art of 'Northern Soul; - A Way of Life'.  Intense conditioning begins: pub crawls, scuffles with locals, and relentless oldies all-nighters, etc.   As their spiritual journey ends, the monk who can talk the most bollocks, with the coolest footwork on the floor is awarded the notorious prayer beads.   'KTF!' engraved on every, single, bead.

Manship's Real Deal

 

People selling records leads to entertaining haggling between the owners and potential buyers. On `Manship's Real Deal' Northern expert and presenter John manship is party to that give and take, the results of which can produce big windfalls or big busts.

Episodes feature collectors trying to sell their items (often with some historic value) to dealers, but if the two sides cannot reach an agreement on a price, the seller walks away from the bargaining table and takes the item to the auction site, hoping to make more money than the dealer offered. Of course, placing one's trust in a positive auction outcome is a gamble in itself.

 

(Only the names have been changed)

Come Down With Me

4 attendees of all nighters take it in turns to spend the Sunday mornings at each other's houses.

Points awarded for:

Worst record bought the previous night while being of the belief that it's an undiscovered gem and is going to be huge when the right DJ plays it.

Ability to talk absolute rubbish for the longest period of time.

Outstaying your welcome.

Offering to go out to the shops for everyone.

Clanger,you forgot taking an hour to say 'bye.

Northern Masterchef !

Contestants have to impress us with their " soul food " whilst trying not to set fire to their 40" bags in the kitchen

Russ Winstanley could come on with The Sweet !

Triffick :-#

Don't jest, it could happen, remember a day time show about flitting house, the schedules are full of pointless crap.some o ur ideas r vv funny

Northern Masterchef !

Contestants have to impress us with their " soul food " whilst trying not to set fire to their 40" bags in the kitchen

Russ Winstanley could come on with The Sweet !

Triffick :-#

Who do you think you are

"Returnees" check the family history to see if any relatives of theirs actually went to the Casino.

Surely the Japanese would be able to come up with some interesting ones. Like contestants trying to do an OVO dj spot while receiving a reacharound from a young, attractive asian girl.

 

"That was.....ah...ayyyyyyhhh...the...Cashmeres...and...next up...aaahhhhhhhooohhhh!"

NAME THAT TUNE

contestants only get to see what's in the run out to name the record ovo only

1st  price a new anorak

This thread is so funny, hope it doesn't give any TV producers any ideas, lol! Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

Would I Lie To You - Each week people give an almost convincing account of a venue they never attended.

I've had someone do that to me,remember when we went to Wigan, nope cos we weren't old enough .

Edited June 3, 20159 yr by tenuate

"Penny Dreadful" - DJs compete to play the worst set of cheap soul pack rejects.

Edited June 3, 20159 yr by Matt Male

"True Detective" - Contestants compete to find the real name of a cover up by standing around the DJ at the bar and pretending to be his mate by complementing on the rest of what was an otherwise shite set...

Edited June 3, 20159 yr by Matt Male

Comic strip presents Men in Black (baggy trousers). Shame Rick M wasn't here

NORTHERN SOUL BIG BUILD

 

RUSS AND A TEAM OF BAGGIED TROUSERED BUILDERS HAVE 9 DAYS TO BUILD AND DECORATE A REPLICA  OF THE CASINO

Or maybe apply for a lottery grant to rebuild the Casino,has so many contributed to the Pharmaceutical industry.

Mr Ben,insert who you think should play the shop keeper. Also Mr bens destination and outfit could. It be nsoul logo. Festooned hoodie or nsoul uniform u decide.

Jurassic park maybe?