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Drewtg

Northern Soul Holiday On Ice

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Now that we are officially the lowest form of life on the musical planet, and will sell our arse for a couple of shredded-wheat or a pair of ruby slippers, I thought we should brainstorm some ideas to see what other opportunities we could come up with to help the "creative" folk exploit us a bit more.

 

Here's just a few of my ideas, feel free to chip-in with your money makers folks :)

 

TOP-GEAR - Contestants are given unmarked capsules and taken to a dark dancehall. Points are awarded for who can dance longest, who can guess the real time and bonus points for identifying the drug in the capsule.

 

THE NORTHERN VOICE - Contestants have to listen to music from the top 500 and guess if it is performed by American artists or British wannabee's.

 

STRICTLY COME NORTHERN - Z-list celebrities are tutored in the ancient art of N.Soul dancing by lads and lasses that can "still move a bit".

 

SCRAPHEAP CHALLENGE - Contestants are given £50 to spend on e-bay on records and clothes. Records are then auctioned by Manship. Winner is the one with the baggiest baggies and the most money left.

 

:wicked:

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Northern Masterchef !

Contestants have to impress us with their " soul food " whilst trying not to set fire to their 40" bags in the kitchen

Russ Winstanley could come on with The Sweet !

Triffick :-#

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Condition Condition Condition - A programme hosted by Pete Smith where he takes two contestants to a record fair and tries to persuade them to part with their hard earned cash and buy a top northern sound.

Kev

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I'm a northern soul fan get me out of here - A group of northern soul fans have to go to a venue where they only play bootleggs and re issues and they all have to wear 70's clothing.

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Four in a bed.

 

A group of rival weekender promotors sample the accommodation in each others soul weekenders. They end up critiquing each others accommodation and settle up what they think staying at the accommodation was worth. 

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Now, now Kegsy; behave yourself :wink:

 

Behave ?, knowing Ian, as I do, he would be jumping at the go go at the chance to do it.

Nobody could ever accuse him of being shy about his sexuality.

Edited by Kegsy

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Cowboy Dealers:

Wee Dom dons his Ben Sherman shirts , runs around catching the Unscrupulous KTF dealers , exposing the trade in Black Fist tea sets and wall clocks along with they big mad baggie trousers .....putting these baddies out of buisness for good.

Whilst the tidy blonde bird with the big knockers puts right the collection of short sighted soulies  that have bought the "Outa the Past !!" lookalikies.

Lots of thank you's and tears at the end.....with all the neighbours coming round, (wearing ankle strangler jeans, karate shoes or Samba and webbing belts)......and altogether they give it a great big "KEEP THE FAITH!!" right fist raised , ,,,,that could be optional.

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Who do you think you are

"Returnees" check the family history to see if any relatives of theirs actually went to the Casino.

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The OVO Chase  Quiz show in which contestants compete against an original vinyl expert and

                           have to correctly identify records from pictures of the run out groove.

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Northern Masterchef !

Contestants have to impress us with their " soul food " whilst trying not to set fire to their 40" bags in the kitchen

Russ Winstanley could come on with The Sweet !

Triffick :-#

 

Nine times out of ten he would probably serve one of his white "sole" delicacies.

Edited by Kegsy

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Northern Family Fortunes

 

Kids surreptitiously get Dad out of the house for the day. Bring in expert to value his vinyl collection to see how much dosh will be coming their way when he pops his clogs. :)

 

Most programmes end in disappointment and a second series is not commissioned. :(

Edited by MBarrett

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Northern New Tricks.

 

A team of well respected (sic) record collectors/old time DJ's solve problems, authenticity and ownership etc, related to the apparent unearthing of long forgotten/lost/deleted rare one copy only original soul records which are now selling on the open market for ridiculous sums of dosh.

Wait a minute............................................................................................

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Northern New Tricks.

 

A team of well respected (sic) record collectors/old time DJ's solve problems, authenticity and ownership etc, related to the apparent unearthing of long forgotten/lost/deleted rare one copy only original soul records which are now selling on the open market for ridiculous sums of dosh.

Wait a minute............................................................................................

 

I don't think repeats qualify  :lol:  :lol:

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Police,Camera,Action - Nothern Soul Style.!!

 

Watch as the hapless trio go around a roundabout 12 times, on the way to an allnighter.

On the way home try and guess how long they will sit at the broken traffic lights,and still get lost - you've guessed it,at the roundabout. 

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Gogglebox

 

Watch the super rare, should be played, elite dj's display the contents of their OVO 7" box to make you drool.

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Blind Date.

A male "soulie" has to choose between 3 female "soulies".Her prize is to be taken to a weekender of his choice.He of course is already married,and she cops off with another "soulie" at the weekender.Hosted by Holly Willoughby.

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Pointless  - A programe about sticking photo-copied labels (with sticky backed plastic) onto pressings/bootlegs

                   to make them look like originals

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Police,Camera,Action - Nothern Soul Style.!!

 

Watch as the hapless trio go around a roundabout 12 times, on the way to an allnighter.

On the way home try and guess how long they will sit at the broken traffic lights,and still get lost - you've guessed it,at the roundabout. 

 

The following week's programme will, of course, look like a repeat even though

it will feature completely new footage.

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A new version of SPEED DATING.....All contestants are given  60 seconds to impress with words of wisdom ( or complete bollocks ) :yes: , extra points for best gurning..

 

The winners get chauffeur driven car for a week and 5 min free trolley dash round any chemist they visit...

 

A dragons den idea i think :hatsoff2:  :hatsoff2:

Edited by little-stevie

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Open The Boot      Wide eyed teenagers are stopped at random in the wee small hours

                               and the contents of their car boots are, shall we say, "appraised".

Edited by Kegsy

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Big Break - (new format) 

 

Wannabee DJ's wait for their mate to give them the first hour at their local venue. Does stardom (and their own venue) lie in the future?

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'The Decks Factor'

 

4 stalwarts of the Scene judge D.J's.............now who would play 'Northern equivalent' Simon Cowell? 

 

:D

 

Len :thumbsup: 

Edited by LEN

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‘Northern Ireland’

 

A new reality programme where different tribes compete for survival - The Oldies Tribe, The Newies Tribe, The Modern Tribe, and The R’n’B Tribe.

 

Ends in one big mad fight!

 

Len :thumbsup: 

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What's my Line.

 

Contestants sign in,then act out their favourite pastime.A panel of guests have to guess which contestant does coke.

Edited by KevH

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Question Time.

 

A group of experts from the various camps, get together, and attempt to influence and educate the 'Hoi Polloi' with the usual invective ridden, round and round the houses diatribe, that bores the arse of the audience, who just want to dance. This 'enjoy yourself whilst you're out' phenomena should be discussed ad infinitum until one of the experts explains it away as a devastating sickness, that ultimately will see the end of the northern scene, at which point the panel spontaneously stand up, and start slapping each other on the back, for their incredible insight. The four people left in the audience are then asked to cascade the info down to the masses....

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"Back in the day"  ....Tell The Truth

 

3 contestants are lined up in two teams to tell the Biggest whopper about venues they visited, drugs they took and records they bought "back in the day". The other team has to work out who's telling the Biggest Porky...

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TWO FAT HAIRY SCOOTER BOYS - A case of two fat ladies meets two hairy bikers. Scooter boys talk bollocks whilst travelling round on their scooters. Auditions everywhere :)

 

NORTHERN BIG BROTHER - Some Soul fans, Northern Soul fans, Rare soul fans, Handbag dancers, Wheelites, Torchites, Wiganites, Mecca boys, Cleethorpers, 100 clubbers, OVO fans, collectors and dealers are locked in Big Brother's house together. Winner is the last man or woman in the house, on their own, and they stay there forever - alone! :)

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‘It’s a Northern Knockout'

 

People have to D.J with f*ckin’ huge gloves on, whilst a dance Competition takes place where the contestants have to wear f*ckin' huge shoes!

 

Len :thumbsup: 

Edited by LEN

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Question Time.

 

A group of experts from the various camps, get together, and attempt to influence and educate the 'Hoi Polloi' with the usual invective ridden, round and round the houses diatribe, that bores the arse of the audience, who just want to dance. This 'enjoy yourself whilst you're out' phenomena should be discussed ad infinitum until one of the experts explains it away as a devastating sickness, that ultimately will see the end of the northern scene, at which point the panel spontaneously stand up, and start slapping each other on the back, for their incredible insight. The four people left in the audience are then asked to cascade the info down to the masses....

 

.........was it something I said Winston? :D 

 

Len :thumbsup: 

Edited by LEN

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Gardeners World.

 

6 female "soulies" have to dance in big skirts.In the break of the record they have to spin,so their skirts ride up.

A panel of guests then vote on the best ladygarden.

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:lol: 

 

'Great minds' an' all that :D 

 

Len :thumbsup: 

 

I think its called group paranoia brought on by eating too many "sweeties" as a youth.

Edited by Kegsy

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why not have the northern dance off .

well known top djs have to play a 5 track set behind a screen ie not be able to be seen by the punters and the name of the game is to see who keeps the floor and gets the most people up dancing .

:hatsoff2:

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'The Old Grey String Vest'.......

 

Whispering Bob Harris plays the latest up front Northern and Rare groves inc Al Wilson - The Snake, Dobie Grays - Out on the Floor, and a special competition with a First prize of a copy of Bob Sinclars 'Tribute' (2nd prize is two copies)

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'The Hit Man and Her'.......

 

Live, late Night Dad dancing action from 'The Worlds No1 Disco' introduced by Kev Waterman and Duffy.

 

Accept no imitations folks.

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