Hey Mate Can't You Play Something Decent Like

[Guest Jimmy Scriv]

A few years ago when I was doubledecking a guy came up to me and asked me to play Wigans Ovation's Ski-ing In The Snow off an LP he was holding. I kept a straight face and explained I'd got my set sorted out, perhaps the next DJ on would play it. The guy who had requested it was a big bloke, much bigger than me so I didn't want any trouble. As you can guess the next DJ didn't oblige him.

This thread has given me more laughs than anything I've read in ages.

I had a smilar experience when some clown asked for Skiing in The Snow by Wigans Ovations I said I've not got it but I've got the Invitations, he replied 'Invitations, whose party is it?'

Edited January 31, 2013 by Jimmy Scriv

[Amsterdam Russ]

Not quite the same but was once in Malaya and the guy with the Bontempi organ in the hotel did a version of " Ama Ring Stinging Cabby"

"Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glenn Cambell.

We had him sing it every night for a week we loved it that much!

Regards,

Dave

I once heard, but don't know if it's true, that when Glen Campbell was touring the UK after the success of that song, he was promoted on the posters of one venue as being the "nine stone cowboy"!

True or not, that one makes me laugh every time!

[Ceejay]

I once had a chinese guy ask for, 'itchy fanny', Never heard of I says, so he keep asking , 'I wanna hear itchy fanny, i wanna hear itchy fanny'. He asked for it all night, over and over again. So finially I said to him, go on then, how's it go? and he sings......................

.................

.............

'itchy fanny- how we dont talk anymore'.........da da der dum..

Was it the same Chinese guy who was at a Stevie Wonder concert and asked him to play A JAZZ CHORD......................

A JAZZ CHORD...............TO SAY I LOVE YOU....................A JAZZ CHORD TO SAY HOW MUCH I CARE, etc, etc

[Dekka]

That's what you get for being judgemental (stupid) about someone you don't know from Adam.

And yes - for your education, which you obviously need plenty of, and information, I have heard the first 2 Kinks LPs; in fact I have a lovely copy of "Kinda Kinks" in my British beat collection which I will never part with. Got anything else to add to your inarticulate, abusive rant then?

Yes, apology rescinded

amen to that man, my original thoughts of you were right

[pikeys dog]

That's what you get for being judgemental (stupid) about someone you don't know from Adam.

And yes - for your education, which you obviously need plenty of, and information, I have heard the first 2 Kinks LPs; in fact I have a lovely copy of "Kinda Kinks" in my British beat collection which I will never part with. Got anything else to add to your inarticulate, abusive rant then?

Yes, apology rescinded

amen to that man, my original thoughts of you were right

Play nicely please.

[Dave2]

"Ere mate - have you got...."

"Contrast by Edwin Starr"

"Spirally by Ce Ce Pedastal"

"Tooth-ache" (True Faith and Final Cut)

"Pea's, Pie, Pudding in my Mind" (The Bucketheads)

"Sea-lions Ten Feet Tall" - Sweeter Than the Day Before - The Valentinos (do it, it works)

'So high... you can't get over 'em...' lol!

[Geeselad]

A fun topic with some good natured replies but as a punter who often does not know song titles/artists

...note to self , dont attend events where paying customers are described by djs as

"tw*ts"

"deaf"

"thick"

"stupid and thick"

please dont get the wrong impression from this lot, virtually every dj I ve met on the ns scene has been curtious, kind and polite to punters when recieving requests.you do have to put up with some crap from punters,however, you know its not going well when you've played for an hour and the just come up and say, ' have you got anything good?'

[John Moffatt]

Was at a rare and underplayed night once when I noticed three people I know quite well, who go to many. many soul nights, looking decidedly glum.

What's up? I asked.

Don't know a single record.

This is 'Caught You In A Lie', 'Robert Parker'.

Never heard of him.

Did 'Barefootin''.

Never heard of it.

End of conversation.

[MrsWoodsrules]

I didn't know until the 90's!

That really surprises me Pete, sometimes I suppose you just don't take notice of certain tracks I suppose.

I'd didn't know Bobby Sheen until just a few years ago, but's that's because I was off the scene for a long time after Wigan and missed a heck of a lot, still catching up all the time.

Aid.

[barney]

a few years ago we took a good friend of our to the skeggy butlins w/ender it was his first northern soul experience , but he was constantly asking wots this called who is it by , well saturday afternoon he was up dancing like Billy and he was going on about an instrumental that had just been played and as per he asked the questions and I told him sliced tomatoes , just bros , well saturday night came and well into the night he asked what that instrumental was called that had been played in the afternoon so I told him , tinned tomatoes by the cirio brothers , then he promptly went up to the stage and asked the dj who happened to be Ian Gee to play tinned tomatoes by the cirio brothers , he came back looking a bit upset , so angie asked him what was up , he replied I thought you said everybody was dead friendly , so asked angie who as upset you , he told angie about his request and that the dj had called him a wanker and told him to f off,

Edited February 2, 2013 by barney

[Premium Stuff]

a few years ago we took a good friend of our to the skeggy butlins w/ender it was his first northern soul experience , but he was constantly asking wots this called who is it by , well saturday afternoon he was up dancing like Billy and he was going on about an instrumental that had just been played and as per he asked the questions and I told him sliced tomatoes , just bros , well saturday night came and well into the night he asked what that instrumental was called that had been played in the afternoon so I told him , tinned tomatoes by the cirio brothers , then he promptly went up to the stage and asked the dj who happened to be Ian Gee to play tinned tomatoes by the cirio brothers , he came back looking a bit upset , so angie asked him what was up , he replied I thought you said everybody was dead friendly , so asked angie who as upset you , he told angie about his request and that the dj had called him a wanker and told him to f off,

:lol:

[Guest manusf3a]

The oppurtunities for offending the maker of the request are endless really,probably dangerous as well at times,say a request for you know that scratchy thing and youre giving a few bars of drunken tunelss da daa da, you give in say all right put it on and moments later get dragged from the stage for promising to play it by an irate drunk shouting "I cant hear anyone singing about itching in their heart,wheres the phooking words gone".I dont deejay however respect most of those who do, dependent on whos asking for the request and at what venue you could be right in the middle of the danger zone whether you comply or not?.To much a high risk occupation in my books.

Edited February 4, 2013 by manusf3a

[Guest 1 huskyvan]

you know the one on the yellow label

[Douglas]

you know the one on the yellow label

I've got it.

[Guest]

Q "can you play that record that you played last week!"

A you mean the black one with a hole in it

Q I am not sure!

[Philt]

In response to the kindly "big thanks to Phil, all the way from Preston" came the voice from the darkness at the back of the room: "f*ck off back to Preston" followed very shortly by, as my 'successor' hit em with his Vibrations boot "thank fook for that." (Professionals, Rose Batiste, Joe Matthews, Miracles, Isleys etc hadn't gone at all well during my hour to be honest)

I can't be sure to this day but I bet the bloke shouting was the cock who'd been up on stage at one point and got as far as "I'm not being funny mate but ...". Think he also said "play some stompers" at one point but I was talking as opposed to listening if I'm honest, whilst going purple and trying really hard not to crush his windpipe. A good night was had by all and I f*ckef off back to Preston lol

So ...

Please don't sing it to me or play a clip off your phone

I've no idea what you like if you don't tell me

I have 200 records with me in a smallish box (as opposed to a. 15000 or b. a tardis)

I don't know wtf a stomper is

If you don't know what you know cut me a bit o slack

I don't tend to take things out to play that I've had since I was ten (other than marbles)

Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company

You'll just hate this hour, try all night for size

Fantastic way to spend your free time lol. Good advice that Jordi, lesson learned

Edited February 7, 2013 by PhilT

[Chas]

Johnny Gilliam"room full of cheese",Paul Humphrey"cold cheese"...and finally Esther,Billy Ocean"go and get stuffed".

[Pete S]

In response to the kindly "big thanks to Phil, all the way from Preston" came the voice from the darkness at the back of the room: "f*ck off back to Preston" followed very shortly by, as my 'successor' hit em with his Vibrations boot "thank fook for that." (Professionals, Rose Batiste, Joe Matthews, Miracles, Isleys etc hadn't gone at all well during my hour to be honest)

I can't be sure to this day but I bet the bloke shouting was the cock who'd been up on stage at one point and got as far as "I'm not being funny mate but ...". Think he also said "play some stompers" at one point but I was talking as opposed to listening if I'm honest, whilst going purple and trying really hard not to crush his windpipe. A good night was had by all and I f*ckef off back to Preston lol

Oh Phil I know exactly what you mean, last time I played out I went down like a lead balloon as they didn't want to hear anything not on K-Tel Presents 20 Northern Soul Greats, the bloke who followed me kicked off with Because Of You, Ghost In My House and just to rub my nose in it, Jimmy Mack by Martha & The Vandellas, and the previously empty floor was now packed.

[Pete S]

Johnny Gilliam"room full of cheese",Paul Humphrey"cold cheese"...and finally Esther,Billy Ocean"go and get stuffed".

Paul Humphrey "Choc Ice" was another version

[KevH]

"Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company".

Phil,didn't Tony ever own up to the "Preston" heckle.?

[Len]

In response to the kindly "big thanks to Phil, all the way from Preston" came the voice from the darkness at the back of the room: "f*ck off back to Preston" followed very shortly by, as my 'successor' hit em with his Vibrations boot "thank fook for that." (Professionals, Rose Batiste, Joe Matthews, Miracles, Isleys etc hadn't gone at all well during my hour to be honest)

I can't be sure to this day but I bet the bloke shouting was the cock who'd been up on stage at one point and got as far as "I'm not being funny mate but ...". Think he also said "play some stompers" at one point but I was talking as opposed to listening if I'm honest, whilst going purple and trying really hard not to crush his windpipe. A good night was had by all and I f*ckef off back to Preston lol

So ...

Please don't sing it to me or play a clip off your phone

I've no idea what you like if you don't tell me

I have 200 records with me in a smallish box (as opposed to a. 15000 or b. a tardis)

I don't know wtf a stomper is

If you don't know what you know cut me a bit o slack

I don't tend to take things out to play that I've had since I was ten (other than marbles)

Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company

You'll just hate this hour, try all night for size

Fantastic way to spend your free time lol. Good advice that Jordi, lesson learned

D.Jing's sh*t isn't it?

All the best,

Len

[Len]

"Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company".

Phil,didn't Tony ever own up to the "Preston" heckle.?

'The Preston Heckle’ Love it. Crumbs I think there could be a separate thread on 'Heckles' alone!

A few years back, I handed over to 'Mr D.J' after my spot (and it's not as if the floor was completely clear to most of it anyway)....and to quote said D.J (on the mike!) - "Right, that's enough of that Sh*t, now for some proper Northern Soul" - Etiquette, just beautiful......I couldn't tell you what record he started his set off with, but I assure you it was 'Propper'!

All the best,

Len

P.s - I never returned to The 100 Club after that

Edited February 7, 2013 by LEN

[Guest Andy Kempster]

i was asked the usual immortal question at a local do last saturday billed as a 'soul & motown' night by a lady who wanted something that she could dance to.

i pointed out that everyone else seemed to be managing ok but being the wonderful guy i am asked what she would like....the response 'I want some motown',

'this is motown' i replied, i then kindly said i would find something for her though and did just that. a few tracks later she comes up again wondering when i am going to play something for her, i show the next record cued up especailly picked for her.....'i cant dance to that music you're playing' by martha reeves and the vandellas, her response......

that's not motown, no darling you're it right, it's on gordy

i love it, never fails to give me a chuckle, where would we be without these humourous interludes

[Len]

i love it, never fails to give me a chuckle, where would we be without these humourous interludes

Well, most of mine, no all of mine (I could write a book) have never been 'humorous interludes'.....I've always struggled to see the ‘humour’ behind the gnashing teeth / scowling face......Then there's the 'Angry Mob' outside, complete with Pitch Forks (Bless em)

Len

Edited February 7, 2013 by LEN

[Guest Andy Kempster]

fortunately there was no aggression involved here Len, just a pissed lady not having a clue

[Len]

fortunately there was no aggression involved here Len, just a pissed lady not having a clue

I would welcome her with open arms mate - She's right anyway ya tw*t, Gordy isn't Motown - READ the label stupid!

Len

Edited February 7, 2013 by LEN

[Frankie M]

i was at a night last year when three girls came through the door expecting a " singles night" they asked for the three Degrees and when offered Contact (very apt ) insisted on hearing "when will i see you again ",they left after securing a refund from the door

[Guest manusf3a]

Well, most of mine, no all of mine (I could write a book) have never been 'humorous interludes'.....I've always struggled to see the ‘humour’ behind the gnashing teeth / scowling face......Then there's the 'Angry Mob' outside, complete with Pitch Forks (Bless em)

Len

Like I say Len way to dangerous an occupation for me...however as you say you must have some good laughs thinking of what someone has just asked you to play,you also need to be a tranlater at times to make out what they are actually saying dependent on the amount of drink etc they have . consumed.

[Len]

Like I say Len way to dangerous an occupation for me...however as you say you must have some good laughs thinking of what someone has just asked you to play,you also need to be a tranlater at times to make out what they are actually saying dependent on the amount of drink etc they have . consumed.

Oh yes, it is funny sometimes. Especially if the said person doesn't normally do something like it - The ol' Dutch Courage has kicked in, they get your attention, then suddenly they panic a bit, 'sh*t, I'm on the stage' seems to dawn on them. I do feel for these ones though as obviously they're not the aggressive ones, they're just out for a good time and haven't a clue about the Scene that's all - I think I can forgive that

All the best,

Len

P.s - Kimbo's witnessed 'The Angry Mob' lol

[John Moffatt]

Comment to me at end of set: 'I only knew two records you played'.

My reply: 'You should get out more.'

The guy's wife nearly pissed herself!

Comment to a mate of mine at end of set:'I only knew two records you played'.

Mate's reply: 'Right, they're going in the bin, can't have blokes like you recognising my records!'

Edited February 7, 2013 by John Moffatt

[Guest drewid]

Me and my brother were double decking at a do in Blackburn back int 9ts , are lad is playing johnnie Taylor "real love" of his new cd plugged in thru the decks, chap comes up "what this , friggin brill! " he says , anyway he's lookin at the decks with two 45s cued up for when j t finished and looked a bit confused until we pointed out it was a newly released cd , "oh f*ck that then" "f*ck you we said" what a nob

[Philt]

"Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company".

Phil,didn't Tony ever own up to the "Preston" heckle.?

That's what threw me, TnJ weren't even there! I think it was Ian Cunliffe

Good reading this thread, its not just me then lol

Edited February 7, 2013 by PhilT

[Julianb]

In response to the kindly "big thanks to Phil, all the way from Preston" came the voice from the darkness at the back of the room: "f*ck off back to Preston" followed very shortly by, as my 'successor' hit em with his Vibrations boot "thank fook for that." (Professionals, Rose Batiste, Joe Matthews, Miracles, Isleys etc hadn't gone at all well during my hour to be honest)

I can't be sure to this day but I bet the bloke shouting was the cock who'd been up on stage at one point and got as far as "I'm not being funny mate but ...". Think he also said "play some stompers" at one point but I was talking as opposed to listening if I'm honest, whilst going purple and trying really hard not to crush his windpipe. A good night was had by all and I f*ckef off back to Preston lol

So ...

Please don't sing it to me or play a clip off your phone

I've no idea what you like if you don't tell me

I have 200 records with me in a smallish box (as opposed to a. 15000 or b. a tardis)

I don't know wtf a stomper is

If you don't know what you know cut me a bit o slack

I don't tend to take things out to play that I've had since I was ten (other than marbles)

Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company

You'll just hate this hour, try all night for size

Fantastic way to spend your free time lol. Good advice that Jordi, lesson learned

I had to follow Phil last year. Started with Charles Brandy ( request for Jumpin') followed by the Soulettes and Patrinell Staten to an quiet dancefloor.

Next guy on played a couple of boots and got the floor 'rocking'.

I think Phil and I rest our cases!!!!!

Edited February 7, 2013 by JulianB

[Pete S]

I had to follow Phil last year. Started with Charles Brandy ( request for Jumpin') followed by the Soulettes and Patrinell Staten to an quiet dancefloor.

Next guy on played a couple of boots and got the floor 'rocking'.

I think Phil and I rest our cases!!!!!

Not really - your three records were rubbish!

[Julianb]

Not really - your three records were rubbish!

Cheers Pete, we can always rely on you to give your honest opinion

[Pete S]

It was actually a joke hence the laughing smiley!

[KevH]

One the requests i had was - "Hey mate,can you play.....on the motorway?".

Edited February 7, 2013 by KevH

[Julianb]

It was actually a joke hence the laughing smiley!

Yes, knew it was, hence my smiley

[John Moffatt]

Story from another mate, and he swears it's absolutely true. A woman came up to the stage, pointed to the record he was playing and asked, in all seriousness, if he'd got the b-side, she'd love to hear it. He said he was pretty sure he had it. Well, she asked, 'Will you play it for me if you can find it?'

The intricacies of technology are indeed lost on some .

[Guest oldsoulgit]

At Keele alnighter the wife asked me to ask Roger Banks if he would play Dilly Dilly What, so i asked him, he said it's not called that but he knew what she meant,

It was Any way you wanta - Harvey, me and my mates still call it that now lol

cheers Jim.

[phillyDaveG]

I was DJing at a venue. Dancefloor was packed solid, and a guy struggled through this heaving mass, climbed onto stage and says "Eh mate, haven't you got anything we can dance to"!.

[paultp]

I doubt there is anyone who has DJ'd who hasn't had weird requests and abuse at some time or other. I was always a bit shocked by how nasty people can be for no good reason.

I think I've posted this before but Jo W & I did a set at a large, long running venue in the North West a while ago and we had a rammed floor for the full set (one guy even ran over the table tops to dance to one record), the promoters were really pleased with us and we were applauded at the end.

But we played the last one and a half records under a non-stop hail of abuse from some pissed female who couldn't quite get that we couldn't do her request because one record was spinning and the last record was queued up and about to start before we handed over.

Afterwards, whilst basking in the self satisfaction of a set well done, a couple came up and said something along the lines of "That wasn't too bad but we like to hear something a bit rarer when we go out" The walked off without waiting for a reply. Eh?

Finally, Jo came back from the toilets having been stopped on the way by someone who said "Can I just say, your set was sh*t"

Beggars belief TBH.

We've discussed with other DJ's and thought it would be worth putting a book together.

[Staceys Dad]

bloody great reading guys and girls...

[Guest Impetejones]

My favourite experience stood behind the decks was being asked for "The Bottom Song by that Heron bloke". Some folk ey....

[Guest Biz]

We was at Butlins weekender last week when having a meal overheard 2 women talking, one said "we went over to the northern room last night but only stayed a couple of hours because we only knew 2 tunes they played and weve been into northern soul all our lifes" l nearly spat my dinner out.

Was telling a local DJ the story and he was once asked can you play Bobby womack, he said which track and they replied he only made one didnt he.

[georgeblackwell]

I do remember my older brother introducing LOVE GUESS WHO - ARTHUR GREAVES AND THE VAN DRIVERS

[caseoftyme]

Once asked for...

I Love You, I Love You......

I Got The Fever............worked it out about a week later

[nickp]

Early nineties I used to do a jazz night called 'Horizontal' in Glasgow, the jazz dance scene was big and I , over 4 hours, could play whatever I wanted. On a Wed night the average attendance was 300 +, a dj dream.

One night 'Mr Big' arrived with entourage at 11.10pm, ten mins after the club had opened and I was playing Yusef Lateef ' Love theme from Spartacus', one of the most beautiful pieces of modal jazz ever commited to vinyl.

I could see them, about 8 in the group, putting therir heads together and thinking what the ......

Mr Big strolled up to the dj box, put his arm around me and asked if I could play something that they could dance to, I explained that we had just opened, music policy, warm up, create mood etc.

Suddenly a £5 note appeared in the hand round my shoulder and with a whisper in my ear he said ' I'll bet a deep sea diver will make you take that shit

off'.

Politely refusing his offer I put on Duke Pearson 'The Phantom' another masterpiece I used to play at the very start to create a mood as people arrived.

He thought that his advice had worked as incredulously they all started dancing to it, lasted a few minutes, necked their drinks and bolted.

I wish I'd taken the fiver.

ps anyone unfarmiliar with the two tracks mentioned above, do yourself a favour and check them on Youtube.

Edited February 28, 2013 by nickp

[Pete S]

Early nineties I used to do a jazz night called 'Horizontal' in Glasgow, the jazz dance scene was big and I , over 4 hours, could play whatever I wanted. On a Wed night the average attendance was 300 +, a dj dream.

One night 'Mr Big' arrived with entourage at 11.10pm, ten mins after the club had opened and I was playing Yusef Lateef ' Love theme from Spartacus', one of the most beautiful pieces of modal jazz ever commited to vinyl.

I could see them, about 8 in the group, putting therir heads together and thinking what the ......

Mr Big strolled up to the dj box, put his arm around me and asked if I could play something that they could dance to, I explained that we had just opened, music policy, warm up, create mood etc.

Suddenly a £5 note appeared in the hand round my shoulder and with a whisper in my ear he said ' I'll bet a deep sea diver will make you take that shit

off'.

Politely refusing his offer I put on Duke Pearson 'The Phantom' another masterpiece I used to play at the very start to create a mood as people arrived.

He thought that his advice had worked as incredulously they all started dancing to it, lasted a few minutes, necked their drinks and bolted.

I wish I'd taken the fiver.

ps anyone unfarmiliar with the two tracks mentioned above, do yourself a favour and check them on Youtube.

I'd have paid you £10

[grant]

In response to the kindly "big thanks to Phil, all the way from Preston" came the voice from the darkness at the back of the room: "f*ck off back to Preston" followed very shortly by, as my 'successor' hit em with his Vibrations boot "thank fook for that." (Professionals, Rose Batiste, Joe Matthews, Miracles, Isleys etc hadn't gone at all well during my hour to be honest)

I can't be sure to this day but I bet the bloke shouting was the cock who'd been up on stage at one point and got as far as "I'm not being funny mate but ...". Think he also said "play some stompers" at one point but I was talking as opposed to listening if I'm honest, whilst going purple and trying really hard not to crush his windpipe. A good night was had by all and I f*ckef off back to Preston lol

So ...

Please don't sing it to me or play a clip off your phone

I've no idea what you like if you don't tell me

I have 200 records with me in a smallish box (as opposed to a. 15000 or b. a tardis)

I don't know wtf a stomper is

If you don't know what you know cut me a bit o slack

I don't tend to take things out to play that I've had since I was ten (other than marbles)

Trust me, however sh*t you think it is I think it's sh*tter so you're in good company

You'll just hate this hour, try all night for size

Fantastic way to spend your free time lol. Good advice that Jordi, lesson learned

Absolute class Mr T